Getting close to the end!!

[Azagtoth]

I am really considering confronting OM and tell him how much of a wonderful person he is to help ruin a family. Anyone ever confronted OM ?

Kenva,

Just reading through your post. I can give you some feedback on confronting. I confronted both OM on both of my wife's EA's; one was in person & email (He was a friend of ours), the other was through FB on her account she was chatting with (exbf from past).

I will say this up front; this is not part of DB; this was a personal choice and something I had to do for ME due to MY nature; I will explain in a minute. This is not something to take lightly and I do not advise this; stick to the DB principles. Understand, I went into it as calmly as possible, but had to mentally prepare for worst case scenario; it very well could have been a physical confrontation; was not my intent but the possibility remained:

OM#1 - In Person / Email - emailed first; ensured he was abiding by my NC boundary; asked in follow-up to meet in a public place; told him I wanted to talk and bring closure; he accepted. I won't go into a lot of details, but essentially I told him he needed to stop his selfishness and think of the impact their actions was having on two families (he is married too!); the potential devastation to both, and how an honorable man he was suppose to be (he is a public figure here)was setting a bad example. Probably talked down to him like a teenager, but oh well. I could tell by his reaction he was embarrassed; wasn't expecting me to be so calm; actually agreed with what I was saying and said he never had any intentions of taking it further (whatever). I presented the evidence of their chat/text logs from my provider and asked him what he thought would happen if these fell into the "wrong" hands. He didn't have much to say but looked worried; I thanked him for his time and left.

OM#2 - online through wife's FB chat after I busted her and she agreed to NC boundary. She didn't know what to say; was too upset she had hurt me; embarrassed she got caught (again). I already had a draft; showed it to her and she agreed with everything I had written. Basically the same thing; lot's of truth dart items and he needed to take a look at their actions and the effect it would have on the families. It was my wife's decision whether she wanted to destroy her marriage or not, but until that time, he would have NC with her and not to come near my family; I would defend my family unit at all cost. His reply just before being blocked / banned...."Duly noted....it's finished" I took screen shots of everything and saved them in multiple formats.

Now, do I believe these guys? Not any farther than I can throw them. Do I trust her not to make another poor decision? Hell no! I had to invade her privacy again in order to find EA#2 & confront; not something I am proud of and hurt our trust issues even more.

So what was the point? As I said, it's a personal thing for ME; standing up for myself; showing the not just the OM's, but the wife I will not be disrespected and while she continues to live under my roof and is provided & cared for by me, she will honor her vows and the marriage; not only is it disrespectful to me, she is also disrespecting the family and her actions affects all of us, not just her and I.

Did it help me at all? Yes & No; I felt good standing up for myself, but in the end, it was bitter sweet. I gave too much thought to the OM's; rather than be indifferent disregard them as an insignificant symptom and hold wife accountable, I gave up some power base and let them know I was affected.

You can't change what has happened; it still doesn't take away the hurt. The satisfaction was momentary. The memory isn't erased. The wife understands now that I won't tolerate it, but what other message did I send her that she is not telling me or letting show? Does she feel like I am treating her like a child as well and invading her space? Probably!

Take it for what it is worth!


Azagtoth