just checking in. my mom passed away friday- funeral and burial were over yesterday. thank goodness - it' s hard as heck
brain & heart empty at the moment. it's a wierd floatie kind of place to be. waay better than intense pain i know- whatever our r got to be- as she was dying allll my recollections sped right back to a place and time and mom that were "the good times" before old old age & anger,& pain, etc. took ovetr. it was an unfairly cruel end- cancer- HOWEVER, thank goodness for hospice and drugs - no kidding. i kept thinking that my mom took care of my dad thru his death in same circumstancesw but ALL ON HER OWN - even that one thing i guess entitled you to get a bit harder than you'd like in life.
oh well huh? oddly - my other sisters were all hooked to the bedside when she had ceased to be able to be aware at all, honestly, my gut & heart felt she was not "there" anymore. just a body trying to die - i felt sure her spirit/soul (whatever one wants to call it)had left already. sounds goopie maybe- but honestly i felt it. i wonder if it's because of feeling like no unfinished business.
So- God is kind i guess in that.
i guess since i have the luxury of being a giant "lump" i'll take it for today and hope i clean up the garden and keep busy in that way.
it was allll sad - just no good slant to put on it - oops - call from my older sister about will, house, etc- oh man- real life encrouches no matter what huh?
