Points to ponder...

[wishing, hoping]

Yes, KML. Like you, I didn't come from divorce and dysfunction. Those two things are bad enough, but when you pair them with alcoholism and abuse (which I was not aware of until it was too late) it creates a toxic combination. I thought H was mature and focused and stable enough to get through it. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!

I didn't want to admit to being wrong. I told myself I needed to be more patient and more understanding. I told myself I was too independent and too selfish. I told myself I needed to see H's side of things. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!

I assumed since H had been married before and already had a kid his way was the right way and I didn't know what I was doing. Of course, he never tried to argue with me on that point. I was stupid and not confident when it came to relationships. I wanted to have kids. My biological clock was ticking. I was love-bombed.

I had been separated from my ex-fiance for a year. I had ended a relationship with a emotionally unavailable man 6 months previous. PLUS my boyfriend (H's brother) was killed in a car accident months before I met H. I had no business being with H. But I felt that God was giving me a new start with H and that we were "meant to be".

STUPID! But, like you KML, I think 12 years is a long time for H to be faithful and married to anyone. With anyone else it probably would have ended long before.

I think H could be a "serial marriage man". Do you know what I mean by that? I mean rivaling Mickey Rooney or Elizabeth Taylor.

I always dreamed of having a 50 year Golden anniversary. Guess I better shoot for the 25 Silver.

WH