But two things: for the most part he still acts quite grumpy around me, even when my attitude is upbeat, as if just the thought of being around me--even if I am happy-- makes him miserable.
You do it for you, not for him. Are you addressing the depression you mentioned in your OP? DB'ing is all about fixing ourselves, making ourselves into "the spouse only a fool would leave". Acting "as if" has its purpose, but if you're still depressed underneath then your H will see "as if" as a trick to get him back. What detaching means is that YOU are responsible for your own feelings and you can be happy (and not just acting like it) regardless of his mood.
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He didn't ask me to come home early. But it seemed like that is what he wanted. (He can't come out and ask me but I thought he was being passive aggressive). Am I supposed to offer??
Absolutely not. In fact, you don't know what he was thinking or why. The above is just mind-reading, don't do it.
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Doing a 180 would mean NOT offering, and putting my own plans and time first. But I can't tell if that makes him resentful or not? I am so confused as to the right thing to do.
We were all there in the beginning- worrying about how our spouse would respond to anything we say or do. The fact he is DONE with the M. No one thing you say or do is going to change that. You are on a marathon, not a sprint. Work on yourself, quit worrying about what he's thinking, quit worrying about how you're affecting him. Make YOU the best you that you can be. When you get there, maybe he'll be attracted back to you. That's the core principal of DB'ing- you can affect a change in others by changing yourself. Be happy, independent, strong and sexy again. That makes you attractive, even to your WAS.
