[bustingout]

Bright I am so sorry you are struggling right now. I understand how when they seem upbeat, happy and 'normal' can seem like a red flag to us.. Like their struggle is over and they have come through and are done and complete in their new phase.

All I can offer is my own experience which is I have seen it before and have struggled as you are now too. They are confused and I that confusion they fluctuate in what they are feeling. Hence -as you know- the roller coaster. I've heard h tell me he has never been happier, he feels great, he is confused, he has no ambition... And it goes on.

Further evidence for us to focus on ourselves and leave them to it. I know it hurts when we watch them take further steps away from what we once had with them, our lives together. That is real pain. It's a mental and daily exercise to let go of them and focus on ourselves. We won't always be good at it and we will often measure our success on how they are doing.

It can't be though. Our success has to be our own, based on our own individual situations, where we were when we started and where we find ourselves now in terms of compassion, growth, empathy, responses and love for ourselves. We are evolving - as are they- we have a choice to do that growth without destruction to ourselves and the ones we love.

Keep going bright. We have made decisions to come here, learn, and stand for our marriages... At least to learn if that is what we want to do. And th biggest part of that is letting them go. I know you felt like you were doing that - and then the vacation messed you up in your head. I get that so much. It's a time to dig even deeper for yourself and focus on you.

It's daily -and you can do this. To get to the place where YOU need to be. You can't rush your growth - especially out of fear. If you are afraid of losing time- then confront what that fear is rooted in so you can move forward from it. Standing does not have to be lost time time.

Love you bright-