OK, so could this be committed to hardcopy, that will be reviewed by W, T, OM, L, bff, etc. etc?

I think it's wise that we be fully transparent and accountable to each other on all joint family expenses, so I have decided to open up a joint account for this. We would each have full access to this account, and full accountability to each other on making sure the kids' needs and reasonable wants are being taken care of. We can add up the family's monthly expenses, and then each contribute to this account proportionally, based on our incomes.

For example if I make $10K per month and you make $5K, and expenses are $6K, I will contribute $4K and you will contribute $2K. I understand that your commissions are just starting, so we can figure out a way to do this that's fair. We'll start at 100%/0% for now and true it up at the end of each quarter, based on our actual earnings for the quarter. Any money owed to or from the account to either of us would be paid at that time. You can figure out your quarterly tax installment at the same time. The contribution ratio should be based on gross income less any 401K/IRA contributions.

Things that should be charged to this account include: groceries, common household items, kids' clothing, kids' school needs, team memberships, mortgage, health/car/home/life insurance, utilities, real estate and vehicle taxes, household repair, family dining, basic toiletries.

Things that should not be charged to this account include: any electronics/phones not for the kids, dining without the kids, clothing for adults, alcohol, professional fees, subscriptions, or personal items such as haircuts, manicures, pedicures, etc. or anything related to other businesses. We should not buy gas out of the joint account since you will have to track that as a business related expense.

This joint account is not be used for cash withdrawals, nor is cash-back allowed on any purchases. All purchases should have receipts that we immediately put in a box for later review. Other than recurring bills, any purchase over $200 should be agreed upon by the other person. Other exceptions can be agreed upon on a case by case basis.

We will each continue to maintain our our personal accounts, and will pay our personal credit cards from those.

If either of us has a monthly income less than $750, the other will transfer money to the other's personal account to bring their income up to the $750 level. This will be trued up quarterly.

Of course I will comply with any legal requirement if it ever comes to that, but for now I think this is more than fair.

and then these can be verbally added as required:

Considering where our marriage seems to be headed, this is all financial documentation and transparency any mediator or judge is going to require anyway.

"My first obligation is to protect my family, and I have to consider your financial track record". If she asks what is that supposed to mean, I would give her a long look and then say something like, "I am trying to work with you on this, but frankly, you have given me reason not to feel very safe".

The SUV payment... Title is in my name, I made all the payments, she's the only driver. I suppose since any equity is already jointly owned, she may as well be paying into that equity, so SUV payment goes to joint account.

And no R talk at all. And no sticking the A in her face, or any other judgment. Purely a calm financial discussion that's in line with what most dual income families do. Deliver the message, listen to the feedback, then walk away.