Afraid I have waited too long

[ye21]

everything else is off a bit.

I am giving you my opinion and my way of see things, its normal that you dont see things that way, I am not God anyway I will show you something else...


I have no children and my W has been paying her share of the bills and I am not funding her extra activities.

No problem, I havent said that you are, this part you are doing great.


Just recently though she expressed that she was running low on money which I took as I would have to assume more of a percentage of the bills. I am not overly opposed to that idea but would like her to ask me instead of me just offering or paying the bills then telling her I paid them.

Why you are not opposed to that idea? What are your reasons?
This is not about money, I will say there is a deeper thing in here...
Why would you like her to ask you?


Our agreement after the S was for her to pay all the bills and I would transfer my share to her. This has worked well for 9 months but now that she is running low she has missed a couple due dates and asked me to pay them which I did.

Very nice of you, she got out of the agreement...try to see the business side of this...if you have credit cards and you dont pay them in 2 months a collection agency will go for you...they take care of business they dont care about your feelings...however you can talk to them and reach an agreement, have you reached a new agreement with your W or you just prefer to wait and nothing happens? Again this is not about money, I believe they are deeper causes for this...


None of this has ruined our credit score but I am getting concerned as we move forward.

If you dont take care of this, there is a chance it will ruin your credit score... Business side again...could you be a little codependent? I dont know lets keep going...

My fear is she wants a D so we have to sell the house and she will have money again.
Hold on I dont get this part....you are affraid she will have money again?? Why that makes you scared? Maybe she will not depend on you then financially and move on with her life without including you in that life? Again a deeper cause here...

Some months back I explained that without fixing the house up some there probably wont be any "extra money" left over to pay off other marital debt. I could tell that was her plan back then by her reaction.

Did she told you that or you mind read her based on her reaction?
What is the main reason why you are not fixing the house? You have no money enough?

Problem is I love her and once it turns into a business situation taking all feeling out of it.
Do you think that now its not yet a business situation?
Does she says she is in love with you and you have a love relationship with her?
For what you say and again correct me if I am reading something different, the only interactions you both had are financial ones...

She will be very upset because I believe she thinks that my eyes aren't wide open to this and I will roll over because of my feelings for her.

?? Business its business and the sentimental relationship its something totally different....if your boss plans to fire you and you tell him you cant because I love you a lot, does that makes any difference? You are fired because numbers dont match thats it..

Unfortunately, although I love her dearly, when the time comes I think she wont know what hit her so to speak.

Is it money for you a form of controlling her feelings and the possible outcome of this?


Maybe that is what is keeping me from totally detaching because by nature I am a kind hearted person but don't p**s me off.
No problem in being a kind hearted person, I will define your situation more as manipulative.... What it helped me to be able to survive anywhere in the world was knowing that I had to work to make money, not thinking that my father will save my ass with money everytime I needed....


She says she is looking for a job daily. I have to believe her don't I?
You can trust her I had never told you not to trust her, but its not your job to trust that but to take care of yourself and let her face the consequences of her actions in life...even if you dont like it.

No good comes from calling her bluff on this. I know why she hasn't got a job but it is none of my business how she goes about her daily life.

At this point and again for what you said its your business, its costing you money the fact that she hasnt find a job...

I think you are not her father and its time for her to face her life , you cant save her this time, its extrictly necessary for her to live the life she is choosing even if it hurts you terribly...