I totally get where your coming from & I would much prefer him to go NC but I also want him to do it because HE decides to and not because i've told him to if that makes sense.
I agree with what you are saying, but there's a fine line there. I certainly wouldn't say "stop seeing OW"....but I would say, "if you want to pursue a relationship with me, the first step is NC with OW."
Originally Posted By: Upwards
they started out as "just friends" and he had sex with her once, its never been anything more than that I dont think.
Every one that has an A minimizes it, blames someone, etc....it helps them feel less guilty. I'm not saying it is or has been more than that, but I think cheaters are pretty much all liars, and will only admit to the minimum they know you know. Again, actions....not words.
Originally Posted By: Upwards
I dont want him to think i'm just allowing him to ignore what I said (as I want him NC if we're friends) but on the other hand because things are going in such a positive direction I dont want to enforce the boundary and scare him off...
If you aren't willing to enforce the boundary, then it's not really a boundary now is it? No sense of even setting it until you are ready to follow thru. Maybe focus on smaller ones until you are ready for the bigger ones.
