Here again, afraid it may be too little too late

[lost18]

Feeling sad today and missing my H. I'm sadder because I think it's clear he does not miss me. I feel myself going on that downward spiral, this usually happens because I stop seeing any hope of reconciling our M.

I've been listening to some podcasts on another site and 3 things that I try to remember are this: You have to believe you will save your M. Two reasons you won't save it is if you decide you don't want to or you give up trying.

I am going to try to stay positive and stop negative thoughts about an OW. I am going to go for a walk, and then back to Home Depot to get more paint samples. I'm trying to pick a color and always have such a hard time making a decision. Grrr! But I will stay busy and productive. That is my goal for today.

J

[lost18]

Can't sleep tonight and have tons of things going thru my head. They range from positive to negative future possibilities with H and dwelling on the past. All of which are not helping me NOW. I have been using my counselors advice and it does seem to help, at least momentarily.

I keep trying to remind myself to take one day at a time and don't dwell on the past or worry about the future. In order to do that I am trying to set goals for myself and steps to reach them. Especially with exercising and eating healthy because I know when I'm doing what I need to in that area I feel and look better.

[paul19510]

I hope you got some sleep after you posted. You are doing fine.

[lost18]

Thanks Paul. I think I fell asleep around 345am only to have the dog barking at the door (she likes to hang out at the neighbors) around 4! Awake again at 530 before I had to get up at 6 to head out to the fields with d12 at 630! It was a long day! Games were postponed due to weather...didn't get home till after 8pm! Needless to say no trouble sleeping last night!

Still trucking along, no contact with H which is killing me. But just keep trying to move forward and get my life together. Been putting off the work thing..will try to get in the classroom a couple times this week...yikes! It's been 5 years!

J

[lost18]

Could use a little advice. I need to talk to my H again. Not a big deal since he will respond. But the only reason we've been in contact for the past month is regarding money/bills. That, once again is why I need to talk to him. The problem is I have initiated all contact and the last few times is having to do with needing money. (He is the sole source of income). The problem is not with contacting him as much as I don't want to only contact him because I need money...but since that seems to be where I'm at right now I guess I could use some suggestions on how to handle it.

[lost18]

anybody? Bueller?

[MrBond]

Did you have a question? You won't get any responses unless you say you need help figuring something out.

[lost18]

Guess I could have been more clear. I need to contact H because I need additional $$ (we've have joint separate accounts). Looking for a little advice on how to do that a little differently. usually, it's just hi, need $$ for this, ok. Just looking for suggestions on how to approach it a little different way then "I need more $$."

J

[MrBond]

Do you have any income on your own? Is there a way for you to be less dependent on H? Right now that's a scary position. If he decides to cut you off, you'll left high and dry.

[lost18]

The only income I have is child support for S18. I am starting to sub again and working on getting a full time job. I know this may sound crazy to some but I'm not worried up H cutting me off and leaving me high and dry at this point. If it was just me maybe but he will do what he needs to take care of our girls..at least financially.

J