If that is legitimately a pre-his-affair marital complaint (and not some affair-induced "re-writing of marital history" thing), then I think you could make a small adjustment to the "meet none of his needs thing," which I'll get into below, but it should be noted that you're NEVER going to be able to fully reconcile the DB and HN/HN systems, as they are very, very different. (Harley recommends exposure of the affair, MWD does not, for starters, and then MWD is much more "be their best friend, while lovingly detaching").
I think you could try to be more validating specifically about his work stuff, IF:
1) HE brings it up (don't initiate the conversation); and
2) You be the first to end the convo (remember, you're a very busy, interesting, mysterious, GALin' gal!).
I think there are opportunities to give him "glimpses" that you "get it," without going full-on into his BFF mode.
But for the most part, I agree with HS's advice -- and approach.
