Still Together & Trying To Work It Out!

[Azagtoth]

Azagtoth, read through your sitch. Similar to mine in some ways. Is your W in MLC? This might explain the EA's and need for external validation. My W is in MLC and does the following: suddenly into the gym and exercise, cosmetic surgery,spending a fortune on herself for clothes and so forth, much younger girlfriends, wanted a new car, went skydiving and into other extreme sports, and flirts with men, all men regardless of if she is interested in them. I wonder if this can explain your W's EAs?

Also what is your W's love language? If it is physical touch (my W's), then not touching, having sex, can be a problem.

FastCars,

Initially, I wasn't sure if it was MLC or not. We have legitimate marriage issues that need to be resolved, but I am positive she is having some kind of personal crisis / MLC; the therapist agrees. I can relate to some of the stuff you mentioned, but the circumstances were different:
- Cosmetic surgery to tummy & breast (reduction); due to health reasons & a gastric bypass she received earlier. This was planned even before the issues started.
- Got the new car; but then we both did and they were planned; wasn't a spur of moment purchase
- The shopping & crap has always been there, but she isn't one of those big spenders; she loves to find a sale and is actually pretty good at managing spending so never a problem.
- Flirting; always been a trait of hers and actually one of the things that drew me to her in the first place. It's never been out of control though that I have ever seen; its part of her personality really. She doesn't flirt with every man she see's but she does have one of those personalities that just puts everyone around her at ease; I know men find her very attractive.
- None on the extreme sports; she isn't into that
- Nada on the gym; she has done a few things (running, aerobics, etc) but quits pretty soon after.
- She has a variety of friends, some younger some older. Her best friend for the last couple years is actually about 10 years older than her and still happily married. We just went out with them this weekend and had a great time; wife was almost her old self, danced with me and went intimate later in the evening. It's back and forth; she wants me, then distances, she wants me, then distances. I was told earlier this is common so I expect it. But the cr@p she spewed out last week was just absolutely not her; this confirms my suspicions of a personal crisis and not just the marriage issues. She is making p!ss-poor decisions and saying cr@p that is just not her!

Wife has never taken the test but I am 99% positive QT & AoS are her primaries; I would say Physical Touch (non-S & GG are close seconds). She likes to talk a lot and wants me to go places & activities with her and she always asks my assistance for stuff (i.e. home projects, help around house, building stuff for her, etc...). I fulfill those needs regularly / daily along with anything else, but I evaluate requests to not enable any BS the best I can.

I do know she has a very low-esteem issue. Doesn't matter how much I compliment her, she just refuses to believe it. She has always been this way, but would laugh it off and say "yea, right!". Told her recently she was very beautiful, inside & out, and she kind of went straight faced and said "no I am not". I told her she was to me and all she did was kind of nod.


Roberta,

We were in MC/IC together; After this last issue, I have backed out temporarily so my wife can have the therapist to herself. This is so she can build trust with the therapist and start getting things out and working her issues. Our therapist said MC probably not effective right now until she can work some IC with wife and get to the root of her issues. Our therapist is solution-based.

I don't feel the need for therapy at this time; I have already worked more IC than wife and have come to terms with most of my own issues and have implemented needed changes into my own personal life. I will resume at a later date if needed.


Azagtoth