[BrightFuture]

So, here is an update. I’m trying to type it fast before the fog from a drink comes over me. H came to sign the tax return and stuff, and I feel like a ground has been knocked down from under my feet again. Grrr… When will I learn to let go?

He came, signed taxes, expressed his satisfaction with how much we are getting in return. We talked about the business tax and how much money there is on the account. He told me that he called the guys in the state where he worked last year and they are just getting the wormer days when snow starts to melt. He cannot go back to work until the weather is wormer, but he said he was promised a better year in terms of earnings.

Then he looked at the car insurance and we discussed how it should be handled to reduce the payments. He advised me that I should get liability only coverage on my car, because it almost has no value. I agreed with his reasoning and thanked him for the advice. He asked me if I wanted to make a phone call to change the coverage, or if he should do it. I think I said that I will do it. He seemed to be back to his normal reasonable self.

We talked about my work situation and I told him some details of what is going on in this department. He seemed to be very sympathetic with my situation and told me to let me know if he could help with the money, if he can, of course. He gave me some encouragement that I can do it, just like in the past. I told him that I’m still optimistic and that “no storm can last forever”. He liked this expression very much.

He told me some details about what is going on at the vacation home and, as I expected, he made a comment about me golfing there with some people. He didn’t remember who told him about it, I had to remind him. This was kind of weird. I think that some other people he named also told him about me and he just could not remember who told him what.

He told me that he wants to get a dog, and it might happen soon.

He showed me his Mexican visa card and gave me some advices about getting mine, which should be ready any time now.

Well, the things that made me spin again… He remembered about his business suites that he could not fit in his car last time. He asked me if I will be around tomorrow, so he could stop by and pick them up. The reason he could not pick up the suites today is because he needs to take his car to the mechanic tomorrow and it is dirty and he needs to wash it. Whatever… I was hoping that today’s visit would be it, and I will not have to deal with it tomorrow. I told him to call me before coming. Actually, before he came, he called me and asked what would more convenient for me, for him to come tonight or tomorrow. I told him tonight, but he still wants to come tomorrow as well. WTH? He is staying with his brother, who participated in a 5K run this past Sunday with me. I will give the details later.

Then he told me that he intends to drive his camper (that is currently in Mexico) here to the city, so he could pick up his drums from my house. He wants to take them to the state where he works and put them in his friend’s basement, so they could be used, and he could party with his friends.

So, I guess, he is still determined to be separated and to move on. No word about the D though. I think he figured that he can live like that just fine. I guess until he meets his “special” woman, who I assume would pressure him to get D’d and would not like me coming to the vacation home.

I was right to keep my expectation low after that weekend. I still had some hopes though and they are crashed now. I will recover, I know that.

Here the recap.
- It looks like he doesn’t want to separate the car insurance
- No word about divorce
- He wants to pick more of his stuff from the house
- He didn’t give me a hug, didn’t even attempt it
- He looks more himself and I didn’t notice any sadness in his eyes (like I noticed during that weekend at the vacation home)
- He told me some details about his life and his intentions (like getting a dog, playing the drums)
- We had a good conversation like we used to have, more like friends than partners

So, where does it put me? In “there is no hope” department again. I hate it. I wish he would just D’s me and I would never have to see him again. This is still so painfull…