own buz 25:mediation to reconcilliation, STFU !

[makingmagic]

long emotional day.... we went around in circles too. He got teary eyed. Said that he is sexually needing, and is desperate for touch. We really need to get out business stuff done... this is taking such a toll on us. He reinstated his desire to be with me physically but feared that we would be fighting now.. (as we are). I said it doesn't matter right now, that we are taking relationship off the table. He tried different angles to see where I stood and even made comments that I have moved on and didn't love him anymore, etc. Making sure that I knew that a major real estate agent was interested, etc. I said that I loved him and always will. This kind of convo, went on for a few hours. Me, pointing out how maintaining form of a relationship could have helped, etc. Him, insisting that he doesn't want it to appear that he is only interested in sex, etc and didn't want to appear that he screwed me out of fairness, etc. Insisting that he still "doesn't know" his answer/feeling, etc. But, he still has feelings/attraction to me, etc.

We watched an elderly couple working together in front of us. I told him, I still wanted that. He said he knew that I did and he thought we were doing that.

He wants to get along. It is important. He got teary eyed and says that He wants me in his life forever.

We then went to the bank.

Later,

I told him ways of how I now appreciated our 20 year history, and the efforts he made to share his experiences with me/dd. He got teary eyed. This meant a lot to him. I told him that I have "loved" him unconditionally and that I wanted him to know that I have always wanted him, never without a doubt. (Because he has been doubting).

I told him that I know what I want. I want the commitment of that old married couple we saw today. That I was not about the money, that he is making this into, and causing hurt, fights, etc. He feels we will overcome these fights and then go forward from there. Other couples get back together.. he feels we can too.

We ended on a positive, based on my new communication skills, he commented. He calls himself difficult and stubborn. I stated that I am a work in progress and that I am still not done. How its been difficult to look at myself and despite all the efforts of this board how stubborn I have been. He says he has noticed a better me.

I may have divulged a little much... but overall feel good that I still held my cards along with dignity & respect. I told him I know what I want and that I want an unconditional love. That I deserve it too. I am not asking him out of his comfort zone. I just know what I want.

...there is more, just hard to remember it all.

I really see a confused person.


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Im really looking forward to my weekend away... time away, knowledge and more self value... will be awesome!!!