Thanks for making me a fighter...

[AJM]

keeps finding ways to drag this out and control me. Your h seems to do the same. They both value money over and above anyone or anything which makes them impossible to negotiate with. We both need to end this as quickly as possible or we will never have peace

No, WH, your kids did not sign up for this. Kids do not have a choice. I am truly sorry they have to go through this. I'm sorry you do as well, but for you there will be a happier ending.

In the grand scheme of things, the MLCr doesn't value money over other things, per se. That's the action. What they value is control. Above all else. It's how they stave off the depression. Or one way at any rate. In much the same way, it's been my experience that the LBS does the same. The more control that gets taken, the more "it hurts" and seems "crazy".

There is only one thing you control. All else is not in your control. You can influence with rational people, but until you realize that you cannot control your ex or his actions, it will cause you difficulty. Until you realize, once again, that your ex is clinging to that life raft of control for all they are worth, you won't have that peace you are craving.

But once you do see it and accept it, it starts to fall into place.

They will covet and protect and scratch and bite and do whatever they can to gain that control. The question becomes if you will react to it? Or if you'll set your own pace and your own rhythm.

WH, GM - it sux to have to go through this and learn these things. It sux for you, for the kids and for everything and everyone that your ex's come into contact with. At some point, until they learn their lesson (or if in some cases), they are like a vortex that will suck you and everything near them in.

You are dealing with someone that has a deep, irrational fear. Someone who is not rational. Your expectations should follow accordingly. Expect them to try and control. Expect them to be irrational. Expect nothing else from them. You won't be disappointed if you do.

There is only one thing you control. Change that, and it becomes much much better for you and for your kids.

In the end, because there are kids, it does not "end". Rather, you end it by controlling you and how you act, think, feel, etc.

I live in the same world. I have kids with my ex. My ex still, as recently as today, tries to directly and indirectly control and lash out at me. The only thing that has really changed is me.

WH, the more you back away, the more he'll try to hold onto you. GM, it's the same for you. For all of us. That's not rational. You can't negotiate with an irrational person. But you can change you.

AJ