Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

Man I stay away for awhile because I thought things had leveled out so I continued DB and doing everything like I think I should have and WACK!!

I was not getting overconfident or overly encouraged just was going about things in a steady fashion.

I went away for the weekend on a planned trip that W knew she could come if she asked. I didn't ask her since I thought that would be pursuing.

Well I checked out joint accounts before I left On Friday and saw that the W was negative in her account so I transferred money over to coverage the shortage hoping to avoid an overdrawn charge.

When I got to my destination I checked the account to make sure the hotel didn't put a hold on my account for the stay as a paid cash to avoid the hold in case I needed more funds.

When I checked the accounts I discovered We didn't avoid the overdrawn charge so I again covered that amount from my account.

This left the W with .10 in her account and bills are due tomorrow. I went about my weekend and had a good time. It was weird without W being there but it was something I enjoy so that made it bearable.

Anyway, I am home now and haven't had a chance to discuss the situation with my W. The reason the account was overdrawn was a check. This check was in the amount of a check that we write out every year around this time for a charity event. I thought nothing of it to put money in to the account figuring it was part of my donation and that is how I would explain it to my W. If she tried to repay me.

For some reason, I had a feeling I should look at who the check was written to in case they called and said it was denied.

When I did this I found out it was not made out to the charity but to a L. I assume for a consultation.

Now I realize that this is probably not the first L consultation she has had but it is the first where she wrote a check for payment. I know it was just a consultation because in the memo part was written 1/2 appt. and it was for an amount along those lines.

It threw me for a bit of spin for about 30 min. I have since recovered and now I need advice.

Did my wife want me to see that she consulted a L and that is why she wrote the check?

I need to discuss how we are paying the bills that are due tomorrow so We will have to talk tonight.

Do I play it cool and tell her I saw we were overdrawn so I transferred funds hoping to avoid fees?

Then do I inquire about who the check was written to or just leave it go?

This afternoon she transferred funds from another joint account in the amount of the check so I know she saw what I did. This transfer could be to cover the remaining amount of the consultation or for another check she has written maybe for the original charity like I thought not sure.

If this turn into a R talk I will validate and empathize. I would say something like this if she says she is going to file.

"W, I knew this day was coming but that doesn't make it easier. I understand your feelings and reasons and respect your decision. I am, as you know, not in favor of this development and will need some time to digest it. In the mean time we have to worry about these bills that are due tomorrow. What are our options?"

Is this good or is it like I am glossing over the subject to avoid it?

If she starts rehashing the reasons she is filing I will validate and empathize.

I will try not ask too many questions and just be the best listener ever.

It will be so hard not to explain my feelings of US not trying hard enough to save the M or explain how much I have learned about relationship skills over the past 9 months but if it has to be done to give me the best chance at getting back together in the future I will do it.

If it doesn't turn into a R talk then just the bills discussion is fine with me.

If she is upset about me covering the shortage and the fees how do I handle this?

Any thoughts are appreciated I have about an hour before she gets home.