Sandi ..in earlier post you stated "Let me make something very clear. A WAW can be nice and respectful to a stranger, but it doesn't mean she wants him for a H! Stop making it more than it is on those few times she decides to have a better mood. She will be nicer for a few hours, or maybe a couple of days......and you think she's "trying" or putting effort toward the R. She isn't." Well you are right on! The lesson here is take care of me and don't read in to what W is doing. If she wants to reconcile she will make it clear.
Yesterday W was not being very nice ...just saying things like you're annoying, why can't you go out the evenings I dont instead of getting a babysitter and you being home when I am ..blah blah. I said it's you who doesn't want to be here so go if you don't like me here. I said why can't you just be nice and pleasant to be around; it's like you just switched on to be this way once you filed. She says I could be nice but you would think I'm trying to reconcile our marriage and I don't want you getting the wrong idea.
Point taken!
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
Yesterday W was not being very nice ...just saying things like you're annoying, why can't you go out the evenings I dont instead of getting a babysitter and you being home when I am ..blah blah. I said it's you who doesn't want to be here so go if you don't like me here. I said why can't you just be nice and pleasant to be around; it's like you just switched on to be this way once you filed. She says I could be nice but you would think I'm trying to reconcile our marriage and I don't want you getting the wrong idea.
You did well, you asked for what you needed it if she is gonna stay in the house and set a boundary, its a great improvement, good job
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Well you did better. If I could tweak your response it would be like this:
Quote:
I said it's you who doesn't want to be here so go if you don't like me here. I said why can't you just be nice and pleasant to be around; it's like you just switched on to be this way once you filed. She says I could be nice but you would think I'm trying to reconcile our marriage and I don't want you getting the wrong idea.
The reason I would have scratched that sentence is b/c it comes across as kind of pleading or whining. But maybe it didn't sound that way when you said it.
I'm not nit-picking, only trying to help you learn.
I have to ask......why do you go out the same nights she does?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It's only Thursday night because I belong to a homebrewing club that meets that night and that is the same night that her girlfriends always go out ...this week it happened to be two nights because Saturday night her girlfriends were also going out and that was the same night I had a daddy - daughter dance with our daughter at her school.
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
W driving me nuts today...she now says I have narcissistic personality disorder ...tells her parents that and posts on her facebook page a slideshow titled "Red Flags to Narcissistic Personality Disorder" ...first she told me with divorce 50 50 on splitting kids time and now says I can see them weekends ...and now she is telling her friends divorce is going to be ugly because husband (ie me) is a narcissist ..wtf ...i never said divorce would be ugly and always said we would make it go smoothly since just splitting everything 50 50 ...now because of her wanting majority time for custody she is telling everyone I'm going to make it ugly ..sorry just had to vent.
I'm going to continue working on me ..GAL 180s ...do what I want. That is all I can do. I can't change or control what W does.
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
I'm going to continue working on me ..GAL 180s ...do what I want. That is all I can do. I can't change or control what W does.
Well thats a great decission, whatever your W says its out of your business....
I mean she has to justify her decission for D, so well she has to come up with stories in her mind to justify what she is doing...
Thats the "normal" but doesnt mean its true, laugh about it... She is obviously not gonna go around saying, oh I am divorcing him because I love him and he is great and I am so in love with him that I believe he is the man of my life....
Let her say whatever she wants, its going to be harder for her to made amends for that once she has to, and trust me she will have one day to have to make amends
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
she now says I have narcissistic personality disorder...
You sound shocked, as if you haven't heard her say insane things before.
One of my wife's enablers asked her if I was a psycopath, or maybe a sociopath. The both looked it up on google. Five minutes later I was both.
My W has also said she expects me to be a total a$$wipe in the divorce making it harder, when we have never, ever discussed divorce. In fact, as this drags out, the disrespect and damage mounting with each passing day, she may be shocked to find I will make it easier...
