I really also would like to confront the OM. But I know this is not a good idea.
Ya, you really don't want to do that. I talked to a PI once who said people have ended up dead that way. You have no idea how OM will react when confronted. He may have a lot at stake. Could be anything from emboldened because he sees your fear, to violence, to cool calculated retribution without prejudice. OM is not your business. Besides, it will immediately get back to W, who will see it as controlling.
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I know I need more time and patience, but I truly see her slipping away. When I listen to what she is saying compared to two months ago, it's getting more negative...
Yep, mine too. Described dinner out with me and the kids the other night as "painful". It's to be expected, I guess. They are going to get better at rationalizing their actions, and it will be at our expense. And while I'd like to optimistically think that it is their fog and that it will lift, I have to admit that it might be the new reality. And if that is her new reality, the time will come when I really won't want any part of it.
So our early stage in this is to fix ourselves and determine what we really want out of a W, R and M. I think you and I are not out of this stage yet, so yes, we need time and patience. And I'll say that I think each of us has turned that focus from ourselves to W in the last week, and it's hurting us.
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I struggle daily to resist the urge to file as a last last resort technique.
Once we know what our new confident selves want, then comes the endurance test to see if W's reality can or will in any way align with ours in a timeframe that's reasonable to us. Only when you are really ready to walk would you file. And in my mind, at that point, if W wants back in, there's going to be a really high bar. And I don't mean in a retribution kind of way, but if I'm that ready to go, what would it take to get me to re-engage her demons? And if she comes back only after you filed, will you ever trust her motive? So I think filing comes when you are really, really done.
And if I'm really honest about that waiting stage, it is about me accepting that I am ready to move on, more than it is about waiting to see if she changes. [And I'm not ready to think about this yet, so I'll stop now.]
So, we have to get you out GALing more, because you need to cheer up. It has to be really hard given the age of your kids. Got any options there? Getting occasional evening kid coverage sounds like a good plan for this week, no?
