Wife wants a divorce

[stumps]

I'm probably not in any position to give any advice, just wanted to offer my condolences and let you know I understand the pervasive effect night shift work can have on a person's life. My sister worked overnight for years, and getting people to understand the far-reaching effects that can have was a constant struggle for her.

Do everything you can to 1) back off, and 2) improve your attitude and outlook. I'm miserable on the inside, but I've been walking around with a slight smile on my face at all times and keep myself busy and up-beat (as possible) at all times--which has the added benefit of keeping me out of my wife's way.

Say NOthing about the relationship and divorce. When your wife brings it up, just listen. If something demands a response say you want to think about what she's said.

One thing regarding the division of labor in your house... My wife and I had a similar "agreement" and I can tell you this: You can fix the car and mow the lawn and paint the house everyday for a thousand years and it ain't gonna matter one bit if what your spouse feels over-burdened with is the laundry and the cooking and the house cleaning. Do you know what I do now? I fix the car, mow the lawn, paint the house AND do half the laundry, half the cooking, and half the cleaning. Did it save me from marital problems? Heck no. But it sure isn't on the list of things my wife is unhappy about.

Figure out the things your wife is unhappy about and change them without talking about it. She will notice...eventually. And if she comments on it...particularly if she asks why you're doing what you're doing, you can simply say that when someone points out your flaws or mistakes or things they're unhappy about, you have a choice: you can ignore them, or you can choose to try to be a better person for your OWN benefit, and that you've decided you want to be a better person.

Regarding marriage counseling...hey, you're ahead of the game because most spouses are beyond it. Take it as an opportunity to work on YOURSELF, not your wife and not the marriage per se. Listen to what your wife has to say in the sessions and come armed with a short list of things you want to improve for YOU...I would start with your communication skills since you've already identified that as a shortcoming.