Wife wants a divorce

[VFL]

married 10 years, together for 15.
I'm 37 she is 37 we have a daughter that is 6



Some background information. We've had our ups and downs sometimes getting into rather heated arguments but never ever violent to each other. When our daughter was born in 2007 it really put a big stress on our relationship. Having a child was a much larger undertaking than i ever thought it would be. I began to withdraw, our daughter had acid reflux, colic, you name it.

I work midnight shift because our daughter has food allergies and the after school program was very bad about letting us know when they were going to do anything with food so that we could bring something comparable in for our daughter to eat with her friends. I get home at 7am and sleep til 2 but am usually still very tired after getting her from school. So i usually take a nap when my wife gets home.

She has been telling me that all i do is sleep, and I know i sleep more than i should but if i don't sleep i fall asleep at work. I'm also not as tidy as she is, i don't help out with household chores. For a while i brought up our 'agreement' (i put that in quotations because now i realize this 'agreement' is laughable) that i would maintain the outside(painting, lawn, etc) and she would maintain the inside of the house(cleaning, etc).

I also don't communicate very well. this has caused more arguments. We would get so mad we said we would divorce when our daughter got older because we think, or at least i still think it's best for her to have us both in the house. It got to the point to where she moved into the guest bedroom last january. At first i thought this was great, i stayed secluded in 'my room' from the time my wife got home from work until i had to leave for work that night. I watched whatever TV shows i wanted, played computer games etc.

for the past couple of months i began to miss her. But she was so distant that I thought it was hopeless so i didn't try to reconnect with her.

Then that day came. She wanted a divorce. She wanted uncontested divorce so that we could come up with our own visitation schedule due to my odd working hours. At first I thought it was ok, pretty much the same deal as we've had but it would be official. Of course i choked up, watery eyes, because in the past i deeply loved this woman and was terrified of what this would do to my precious little girl.

So i tell her I would go along uncontested, the next day she goes to see her attorney and comes up with a fair deal in both of our eyes. Another day goes by and I completely lose it. I break down crying uncontrollably, she runs in my room afraid something had happened to my elderly grandmother(she isn't doing well). I tell her that's not it, I looked at her and told her. "I'm still in love with you"

She cries, storms out to my bedroom door and so are you changing your mind about agreeing to uncontested? I tell her I'm not sure. and she goes to bed.

The next day we talk, no arguing or anything but I 'convince' her, i guess, to give marriage counseling a try. She says it won't change her mind but she'll go. I ask her to give it a try because we haven't been, ever and I would like to tell our daughter one day that we tried everything to make it work.

It has been a week and a half and no arguing, I dont know if she's just relieved or it's because i'm not sleeping (1. I can't obviously. 2. this has woken me up that i need to change). She has talked about me still having dinner with them sometimes and that i don't have to leave the house immediately when she gets home usually (some nights our daughter has dance lessons)

This was a wake up call. I'm still in love with my wife and it kills me that she is no longer in love with me. I'm not saying I love you, i'm not touching her, holding her hand, hugging her. I want to badly! but i do not want to push her away.

She wants to go ahead and file for divorce but leave them unsigned. That way if she sees no improvement in us in counseling after 3 sessions we can sign and finalize the divorce.

I pray that this is salvagable.