Noticed the computer and finances. Too funny! Not really going so well. Seems like the separation has really just allowed her more time with the OM. The schedule for parenting duties is complicated by the fact I don't trust her with the kids, and I prefer her to have them here when she is parenting. This means I'm here with them every night. I don't mind this at all, but it makes GAL very difficult.
I've been away keeping busy. Great time with the kids. Unfortunately picked places we've spent time as a family. Many memories flooded up everywhere.
When I was reading your thread, I noticed Starsky's post referring to the three things his wife didn't want to miss. I liked the first one so much, because its exactly what I have said and feel, that I decided maybe I should remind my W of this when I saw her today.
Of course, 2x4 myself , after I said it, I realized its kind of a threat, even though its a truth dart I think.
So I've been trying to do tougher love, but I fear there is too much cake eating. I'm open to any suggestions as to how I can stop this from happening.
She did say today although I've changed, she doesn't think our interaction could ever change, and then she used the example of not buying new cars a few weeks ago, which she wanted. I called her on it, saying with the current state of our relationship, I don't feel it's prudent to stretch ourselves financially, and we are not in a relationship right now, so judging my actions as they would be in a relationship is unfair. I am standing up for myself, or at least trying to. I do not wish to be a doormat. I am figuring out what my own tolerance and boundaries are.
I do worry about the loss of attraction that occurs if the W knows I know she's in an A, and she feels I am just waiting for it to end. That's why I mentioned the whole thing about not maintaining a friendship if it ends that way. Looking back, totally threat based.
I am working on the legitimate complaints about my marriage that I needed to work on, but applying them when we are separated is very hard. It's tough because its about validating her interests, her concerns, and listening to her voice and recommendations in such a way that she feels valued. Hard for me to I while I'm detaching and setting up my own life.
Her family continues to call, but she really is not listening to anyone. I struggle daily to detach. I have snooped periodically, which just confirms ongoing contact. Helps me assess if she's being truthful. I really also would like to confront the OM. But I know this is not a good idea.
I think I need to focus less on her and more on me. Easier said than done
I may switch my thread to Newcomers, seems to be much more activity there.
