It was nice to hear some of her feelings and understand what her perspective was on our relationship.
I have identified some more areas where I need to figure myself out, but it seems like my progress that is helping me has also had some affect on the situation.
An interesting statement she made was that it was the cooking that ended it. Cooking was something we are both passionate about. We used to cook together all the time near the end I was so stressed out and self centered I could not figure out how to share the kitchen. I was worried about myself and trying to make the dinner perfect. I did not think about her or what she wanted or how she felt.
More evidence of my self centeredness and lack of empathy or seeing things from a different point of view. This was interpreted into controlling and not caring for the W, but I think my self centered point of view and feelings of inadequacy and like I was out of control and could do nothing right were underneath my actions.
Working on these feelings and developing my empathy have been and continue to be one of my main 180s.
If I felt better about myself I think I would not feel like I was unworthy of spending time on myself instead of spending it all with W and kids.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
This morning my W may have addressed or thought about my feelings for the first time since the separation. She asked if I had read the newspaper this morning, which I hadn't. She said that I may not want to because the was a story about my best friend who died the year we got married and his organ donations.
His passing had a monumental effect on my life and I have struggled dealing with it. I was surprised she mentioned it to me. She may be thinking about more than just herself now. I don't think she would have extended the courtesy earlier in our situation.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Looking back on today I realized that the way I dealt with my emotions was completely different.
In years past when I thought about losing my best friend or had to unexpectedly had to deal with it I would just swallow and hide my pain. I felt this is what a man would do, he wouldn't burden his family or others with his emotions and pain. It would be a weakness to feel or show these things.
Today was different, and I didn't even realize it until reviewing my day and journaling. Today I didn't run from or try to hide or deny my feelings. When the emotions hit me I just let them and didn't try to hide them or deny them. All of this and my kids were around for the whole thing and I wasn't embarrassed nor did I feel like less of a man.
My youngest asked me why I had a tear on my face. I showed him the picture in the paper and told him he was my best friend. He asked why I was sad and I told him that he died and I explained the car crash etc to him. He listened and looked sympathetic but I did not feel awkward or embarrassed.
I was surprised that I didn't realize my change in emotional expression and the changes I have made to how I deal with it. I hope this points to real change because up until the separation losing my best friend was the most painful experience of my life. I liked how I handled my emotions today.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
Sorry for your loss bro, I feel now you are in my circle of friends and I feel so happy with the way you are learning and improving, this society impose us believes that because we are men, we should not cry, we should keep the household together...and only a few of us are able to face those believes and adventure to explore our spiritual side...at the end all of us are human beings and feelings are the only thing that made all of us equal
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
I should probably specify that my friend passed 6 and a half years ago, but when I think about him it feels like the day he died. He was my best friend and I knew him for most of my life. We always had plans in the future for us and after his passing I felt guilty about getting married, kids, etc.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
I knew him for most of my life. We always had plans in the future for us and after his passing I felt guilty about getting married, kids, etc.
Gogofo, the universe its smart, you said this:
She asked if I had read the newspaper this morning, which I hadn't. She said that I may not want to because the was a story about my best friend who died the year we got married and his organ donations.
In my humble opinion here is a big door opening in front of your face to help you in your relationship with yourself, maybe you still have resentments towards your situation? I am not in your shoes, but I believe this happened as an oportunitty for something
At the end Gogofo all of us here are in the miracles business
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
