Look, considering where our marriage seems to be headed, this is all financial documentation and transparency that any judge is going to need anyway, so we might as well start getting on the system now. And I'll be the first to admit, the way we've always done it it screwed up."
Now look at how you said it.
Quote:
See, I keep stubbornly trying to find a way to do this other than filing. As Starsky's said, it will can come up during the debit card convo, "we're headed for D, and it's the transparency any judge will want to see, so let's get with the program now." We're on the path, and I'm the one pushing the plan to separate her from us.
It's all about how you say things Zew.
Nobody is telling you that you have to run file for D. "Consideing where our M seems to be going" is not giving quite as strong self-intentions as saying "we're headed for D". But it does let her know you aren't being totally naieve. And your M does "seem to headed" for something, right? Don't use the D word. You don't threaten her with ANYTHING, and you don't give an ultimatum you're not ready to back up. But I don't see this being any of those things. It sounds more like the way you are interpreting what Starsky said. He can explain it much better than I can, but I assure you that he is very good at presenting just the right words to the WW. I might can help explain her to you, but I'm not that good at stating what you should say to her word for word.
The important thing to remember is to keep you cool. If you can't say it calmly (firm, but not angrily)!then don't get into it. I guarantee you she will not respond well if you tell her like the example you gave.
You aren't wanting to rescue her from her own CC debt, but give a management plan that works best for the family.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
