Neither of us has ever mentioned the D word. We've been dancing around this elephant for months. She because she wants to keep the illusion going and cash flowing, and me because I hoped A would end and it would go away.
I tried to confront her about A by shaming her, being self righteous, and all kinds of judgmental things, and none of that worked; again, because as everyone keeps saying, a WAW in an A is a lying, cheating, manipulative, teenage crack addict with no shame. You just can't reach them that way.
So now, if I say I want to split family from personal finances, because in the case of the impending D, we will need a true understanding of family expenses, I have made no judgment, have I. There's no threat there, it's all just reality. And if she's all surprised and shocked by the word D, well it's just because we're in a bad place, and I deserve better. No need to elaborate. That doesn't exclude her. No need to go into A, no need for words, judgment, punitive actions, threats, timelines or ultimatums.
There it is on the plate. Start chewing.
And I continue to DB from a fully detached place. And I look out for me and my kids. And she comes back or she goes. And I don't have to like it, I just have to be comfortable with me, my decisions and my timeline.
