Yeow, nad check. Again, I appreciate your frankness.
I believe you and Sandi are among the tough love bunch. LBH has to know what he wants, ask for it, be firm and consistent. WAW won't respect anything less. I'm trying to get there.
It's been a rough weekend. What with S's birthday, and thoughts of it being the last as a family, and all that emotional wallow. Still get hung up on the reality of the surreal.
So, the joint debit account thing:
- I will wait, say a week, to see if she bites on my invitation. She'll bounce it off her T and girlfriends this week. - I can force it a week from now. She will hate that and see it as more controlling. I don't really care. She is out of control. - or I can wait for reality to hit her. The trendline says she hits her CC limit in 3 weeks. Then I can implement it as a solution. And I guess this comes with the "if you don't want to work with me on solutions, I'll come up with my own" talk. Stow that, it's not helpful. Either way, it's got to happen. I have to set a new precedent in case of D. This will not go peacefully.
She wants an ipad or similar for work. She's asked about 3 times. I really haven't responded except to tell her to determine what the requirements are for the apps she needs to run. It will come up again within next couple of weeks. An opportunity to remind her that if she isn't into working on this R, we are headed to a place that doesn't have me buying ipads. That's not DB is it. That's me being an Ahole.
If we had the joint debit account in place for family expenses, and she had an income, this would just be something that would go on her personal CC to deal with however she can manage. (Except that she has no way to cover any personal expenses yet. And I don't want to be the bank anymore, for some reason.)
I'm considering this: (so check me!) Ask W if she has given any more thought to working with me on us. She will say either that she isn't ready, and is still working on herself (stall), or that she is "done". To which I simply state "This M won't last long if we don't start the work."
I know that MC is useless if she isn't there of her own volition, and until A is over.
So what's the point, you ask?
Maybe she will get that she isn't fully in control of the timeline. Every day that passes is a day when she's telling me she doesn't want to save the M. What can she expect from me then? Again, she may figure I'll wait, but every day that goes by she's telling me not to?
Am I just wordsmithing again? Just trying to throw a reality jolt into this fantasy. That there is something to lose. Honestly, I don't know where she thinks we stand right now. Also trying to establish that to save it, she has to make a move. Yes, I know she doesn't want to save it right now, but then she owns that. I know she's concerned that I'll be the one who will be able to say I tried and she wouldn't. I don't really have any expectations from this, but it may at least establish that she is not on firm ground.
Meanwhile, for the next few months, I 180, LRT and GAL like I'm gone. Have fun with the kids. Don't worry about W, OM and A. And keep getting my sheep together. And cleaning out the basement and attic, silently but visibly readying.
We all went out to dinner last night. It was pleasant, superficial talk about work. She mentioned she'll be busy this summer and thinks she will only have time for one trip. So that's the hint right there that she only plans to go to her Mom's place with the kids in June, and not on the family vacation in July. That will give me a couple of weeks alone with the kids at the lake to reassess everything. It will be August by then, almost a year since the EA started. One way or another, this limbo will be broken.
You know, it occurred to me that she may be in such denial about the A that she doesn't understand why I'm not persuing her now.
