Wow life sometimes its crazy.... Yesterday I had to work, they made me work as a waiter in a catering....guess what event I had to cover.... A wedding pufffff, I wasnt ready for that hahahhaha I felt at times like aproaching them and tell them about DBing hahaha guys if the problems come... But well I didnt obviously, I was crying at everytime they had love messages around, and I switch to positive thinking: I got married in court so I never had a real wedding and God its telling me to fix mi issues and one day I will have a real wedding, and it will be with your W who is leaving you know....thats how I created hope.
I came back to read my first posts in my early sitch and I realized something....everybody choose but I dont! I let people choose for me because I am affraid they will be dissapointed with my choices...
MrBond told me something in my early sitch that now I can see, and also I came to realize that as much as my W trows all the blame on me and bla bla bla, she is also responsible for this situation, she didnt realize her issues and still thinking that everything was my fault, and trust me there is a lot of things I did that today I will unfortunatelly repeat. But I found hope and now I know where I have to focus, focus in fixing my insecurities, and move on from them, even if she never comes back they will be great to have them removed, I dont have to be perfect and I will be with somebody who will allow me to fail because I am human not a robot, and thats the part she has to work on, its sad that I didnt support her in the play but thats the way I was at that point and I cant change that, I will react in a different way in the future once I am able to improve my self steem, but thats all I can do.
MrBond said something amazing that now mades sense: I told my w i wasnt gonna fill for D, she could go ahead and do it but I told her I wasnt gonna help her with that and thats it.
First I tough...what a controlling way, if she wants D just sign and give her what she wants.....
Now look at the shift, now I balance both, she wants D? Ok she can fill, I dont have to sign the papers because I dont believe in D, basically I am choosing not to sign and its a choice as valid as her choice of filling.... She choosed to walk away, and I dont like that choice right? But even so she went ahead and leave. So my choice its to work on myself, and not to sign the D papers, not to piss her off, but because I want to be a new me, and I am starting to love myself, and that choice its my choice and its as valid as her filling for D!! Amazes me how now I can see that....I am definitley decided on this, I am not signing any D papers, thats my choice and I dont care if she likes it or not
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
