No I'm really determine to not change anything as what I've been doing is clearly working, he's moving towards me at his own pace & I don't want to rush that at all. I want him to come back because it's absolutely what he wants & it's not just because he feels pressured otherwise it wouldn't work.
He said lots to imply that his mindset is changing & his attitude is also completely different towards me, from what he's said he's been thinking about a lot and it's about time to be honest!
So I've been NC for the past week, do I continue that now (I'll see him tomorrow AM so after that) or should I just lay low? The past week I've ignored his calls & a lot of texts... Do I carry on doing that or not?
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Last night H text to ask could he call to collect something, he was coming today anyway and didn't NEED it but I agreed anyway, he stayed for about 30 min and we chatted/laughed then he left - was nice for him to call because he wanted to even if he did use a cover story!
Today is Mother's Day in the UK so he came here when the kids woke up and helped them cook me breakfast and give my my gifts/cards, then we all went to the park - it was really nice. At the park just before we left he said that today is the first day that he's enjoyed life in a long time (because of being miserable in addiction for years) and thanked me for it. We both said we felt free now of the burden of the past 12 months & both agreed we are healing well. As he left I thanks him and he hugged me really tight & kissed my neck.
Later on I took the kids to his mums to give her card/gift off the kids and he was there, he asked me for a lift. As we were driving I got a little upset so he reached and squeezed my hand & asked what was wrong, I said that I'd had a lovely day and it makes me sad how we can't do it often, he replied "maybe we will in the future, I've really really enjoyed your company this weekend & I like the way things are moving, let's just see what happens" so I nodded & changed the subject.
Progress, massive progress!!! I was so worried that us ML on Friday may confuse him & cause him to run a mile but it doesn't seem to have his attitude towards me has gradually switched so he's caring & considerate again and actually asking how I am instead being consumed in himself, he talks to me with fondness instead of being cold.
DB is amazing!! I'm not having an expectations yet but I've had the confirmation I need to show that my H is moving in the direction I'd like him to - happy today, first day in a long time I've felt real happiness, my kids are amazing & I'm so thankful for them
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Upwards, I am so happy for you - what a great day with your kids and good signs from your H. I am keeping fingers crossed that things continue in the right direction.
Now is the hard part - keep the hope but not the expectations.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Thank you! Yes I'm determine to keep hope but NO expectations, that way I'm protecting myself
Now do I go back to being "dark" or just minimal contact? Being dark clearly moved things forwards & DB says keep doing what's working... Although I don't want to close the door on the positive interactions either?!
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Well, I am getting D so you can take my advice with a salt lick, but if I were you, I would limit the contact you initiate to (necessary)kid stuff. He now has a nice picture of you in his head, so let him sit with that for a bit.,:)
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Yeh makes sense melissa - reason I'm confused is that obv DB tells you to "do what's working" and complete NC has really brought him towards me but at the same time complete NC gives no chance for positive interactions. Low contact before that also began to get his attention although it wasn't such a drastic change.
He rang me this evening after his meeting (AA) and that's something he hasn't done for probably 6-8 weeks, I wasn't sure whether to answer but did & he was ringing to see how I'm doing and for a chat...
I'm conflicted because I know "being friends" and connecting is the foundation to poss moving forwards to a new relationship but we also both need space to work on ourselves & I don't want to hinder that, need to find a balance I suppose?!
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
There are plenty of opportunities for positive interactions - the ones he initiates. So talk to him if he calls - sometimes. See him if he invites you to do something - sometimes. I think the problem comes in when there is a small to forward by the WAS and the LBS tries to take that inch and make it a mile. You can still have good interactions with him - let him initiate and keep it fairly short.
Plus, if I recall you have kids, right? That should provide opportunities to have positive interactions too, right?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
his attitude towards me has gradually switched so he's caring & considerate again and actually asking how I am instead being consumed in himself, he talks to me with fondness instead of being cold.