Unicorns, Big Foot, and the WAS...

[artsy]

Ahhhhhh...FT, great idea!

And Up, I think you should be able to just search for it!! I'll get around to it shortly...

[artsy]

Well, interesting day.

I had IC today, and I told him about all the happs from last week. He is really pushing me to decide when enough's enough. His view is that H only wants to communicate via text right now, and there can't be real emotional connection through a text message. His point is that H isn't making any real effort, so at what point do I want more?
My response: I'm not at a point where I can make that statement. I'm not sure when I will be there. Of course I want more NOW, but H can't give that to me now, so it is what it is. I'll know when I get there.
He agreed. He also said he's pretty sure he's guessing correct that Hs focus is on his D18 right now, and perhaps he can only focus on one thing. I said that's fine, because I really need to focus on finishing my degree, and his D18 needs him more.
Bottom line: at some point it will most likely be my decision to declare the status quo is not enough. I am certain that's how it will play out, but just not sure when I will get there...

Also, I thought H would go in to hiding after our texting "incident" on Friday, but he showed up today to take care of the dogs like always. He sent me a friendly text and left me a note asking if I wanted to take the dogs on a walk this week.

But, really, I don't. I'm swamped with deadlines for school and super stressed. And I feel I need to take a step back from H for a minute...

I need to ponder this one.

[paul19510]

Well, interesting day.

I had IC today, and I told him about all the happs from last week. He is really pushing me to decide when enough's enough. His view is that H only wants to communicate via text right now, and there can't be real emotional connection through a text message. His point is that H isn't making any real effort, so at what point do I want more?
My response: I'm not at a point where I can make that statement. I'm not sure when I will be there. Of course I want more NOW, but H can't give that to me now, so it is what it is. I'll know when I get there.
He agreed. He also said he's pretty sure he's guessing correct that Hs focus is on his D18 right now, and perhaps he can only focus on one thing. I said that's fine, because I really need to focus on finishing my degree, and his D18 needs him more.
Bottom line: at some point it will most likely be my decision to declare the status quo is not enough. I am certain that's how it will play out, but just not sure when I will get there...

Also, I thought H would go in to hiding after our texting "incident" on Friday, but he showed up today to take care of the dogs like always. He sent me a friendly text and left me a note asking if I wanted to take the dogs on a walk this week.

But, really, I don't. I'm swamped with deadlines for school and super stressed. And I feel I need to take a step back from H for a minute...

I need to ponder this one.

Hi Artsy, I had the same discussion with T in January and then had that "...ok here's where I'm at..." discussion with W in February. its a personal choice and there's no right or wrong time. It is what it is...

Just understand where YOU are. some people tell you to hang in there no matter what. I don't know. Telling them that you're moving "forward with your life..." isn't necessarily giving up I suppose. You can see with my thread that I still have a long ways to walk. Paperwork is just paperwork

[KGirl]

I have similar conversations with my IC, too. It makes sense - their job is to point out the discrepancy between what we want and reality and try to get us to move towards something. I don't think that being in "limbo" is exactly what is encouraged in IC! And, counseling theory talks a lot about how there won't be change if someone doesn't think there's a need/refuses to do it. That fits with some aspects of DB (like how we always talk about how we can only control or change ourselves and to leave the S be) but it doesn't mesh as well with the idea that it's possible to change the relationship or make it work with only one person changing. I am stuck as well wondering what's happening but my H refuses to give me any updates as to where he's at, so I am also trying to figure out how I will know when enough is enough. I guess if I have to ask myself, I'm not there? But I could also see myself clinging to the idea indefinitely that I'd get back with H if he told me tomorrow he wanted to work on it.. so I don't know if asking myself what my response would be to that question ("If your H told you tomorrow he wanted to R, would you entertain the idea still?") is a good barometer.

[artsy]

Thanks, guys...

I think my IC threw me for a loop this morning because I felt like he was trying to persuade me. I asked him if he was and then he back-tracked and insisted he was not. He's right, what I have now is not good enough for the long term. BUT, I'm not ready to drop the rope. I'm just not. Thankfully, my schooling has kept me EXTREMELY busy, so I have been distracted, to say the least. This summer may be a problem, though...

We talked a lot today about letting go of the past. I have a real problem with holding grudges- it is what I consider my worst trait. I thought I was making good progress with that, but then Friday proved I'm still holding on to how I feel I was "wronged", and pointing a finger at someone is a red flag for that. SOOOOOO, he assured me that with time I will get past it.

I have been through a bit of a spiritual journey since December. I believe a lot of things, and I have been asking the Universe for signs. A message that I keep getting from: friends, tv shows, electronic signs, commercials, church sermons, a tarot card reader (oh, yes ), this board, literally everywhere I turn is that I have "growing" to do. That word keeps popping up. I have a friend who has a bit of second sight (the things he says are uncanny, y'all), and he has told me several times I'm coming out of this on the other side a transformed person and it's a push from the universe/god to work on ME. So, that does give me some comfort

Lol! Sometimes we just need a little encouragement. I'll take it, from whatever the source!!!!

[Georgiabelle]

Sounds like you are doing well. It was nice to see someone else who asks the universe for guidance as well. It is crazy what can pop up when you relax and asks for signs.

Keep on doing what you are doing:)

[artsy]

Thanks, as always, GB!!!

As a side note, I don't have to worry about seeing him this week cuz our schedules don't mesh. Maybe the time apart will be like a reset button for me- I was just getting to a point where I was comfortable around him and then my texting slip-up happened. Oops!

He was very chatty via text again yesterday.

Off to go work on some presentations!!

[artsy]

No-go on the Facebook thing: you can't have two accounts through the same app, and I do all that "stuff" on my iPad. Unless someone else can tell me how to do it?????? I know I need a different email address for it.

I guess I could do it through my laptop, but that's way less convenient. My oh my, it's rough living with such "problems".

[artsy]

Minor victory!!!

I had a moment of panic when I realized there was a giant puddle of water under the washing machine. My instincts were screaming at me to call H, but I shut it out and problem solved it myself. Best case scenario: the comforter was too big and it overflowed. Worst case scenario: the tub is leaking and I call my home warranty people and they fix it for a very minor fee. Either way, I moved it, mopped the floor and dried out the room myself.

My insecurities with home maintenance almost won, but I got the best of it!!!!

I win!!!

[MamaB]

A victory is a victory!! I can completly relate to the home maintenance fears.