When it comes down to it I'm pretty blessed. I've got my health, I have a good paying job and it looks like I may be able to transition into a career I've been wanting to for the past few years. I have my kids who I adore, who were there waiting for me at the airport last night and who were excited I was back home. I've got friends and family who will support me no matter what. So even if things don't work out with my W I will be fine.
As for her it's obvious she has no feelings for me now. I think our original talk was her just being scared. I get home last night, no text or call from her asking if I made it. She is only stressed out in her new situation because of how it affects her, not me or the kids or her family. How she doesn't see how our kids are going to be so confused by mommy living on her own with a new baby is amazing to me.
We are going to see each other tonight. I'm going to tell her I would accept the kid as my own and love him or her just like our kids.
I've also decided to put my house up for rent, which I will tell her. I need to remove myself from this situation. The time away made me realize how much I dread living in my current home. It's just not good for me. She also needs to know because her lease is coming up at the end of April, so she needs to find a new place and she'll want a place that will be close to the kids. I don't plan on moving too far away but I want to get out of this area we are in. I'm sure this will stress her out, but that's not my intention... I just have to get out of here.
