I think I belong here #2

[praying_in_GA]

He has started waking up at 6 or 7 am every day...even on non-school days. He says it gives him a few hours in the morning before the house wakes up. He is not usually one to take a nap unless he is exhausted. Otherwise, he is still doing everything around the house as usual. Dishes, dinner, lunch (if he is home), yard work...I dunno, maybe he just needed a nap that day?

So, our talk. This may get long as it is just my random typing to get it all on 'paper'.

He took off his band to drive me away. He wants to figure out who he is. He wants to do things alone. He wants to do things that make him uncomfortable so he has to work through it. He may be interested in dating other people but he doesn't think it will work. He wants me to go out with someone to see if it will make him jealous and make me happy. He thinks we would be better friends if we weren't married. He is not looking for a divorce. His idea of separation is that we are having problems. He doesn't want to lead me on but he isn't sure what he wants. He doesn't have feelings for OW but he easily could if he allowed himself to. He said he is half way through his life and he doesn't know who he is. If he were to die tomorrow all he would have done in life is get married, have kids, go back to school, and live his life for everyone around him.

He likes me. He may even love me but we have grown apart as not only spouses but also as friends. He wants our friendship back. He can't imagine not being with me forever. He always thought he would be with me forever. He said if we get divorced he would end up alone in an apartment drinking beer and working two jobs to stay busy. He's not sure what he wants right now so he is just trying whatever comes to mind to try.

He wants me to go ahead and move on, date, file for divorce, kick him out, etc, etc, etc. He says I deserve better than him. I deserve to be happy and loved, not stuck in limbo. He even changed his 'I may love you' to 'No, I'm totally done' in an effort to push me further.

He sounds very confused and unhappy with himself. Parts of the convo gave me the feeling he would be willing to open himself up to our marriage and parts made me think he has given up already. He truly seems lost. He has been sincere in his not wanting to hurt me. He wants to me to be happy and he doesn't feel like that happiness is with him. He trusts me to find an amazing man that will be a wonderful step-father. Then I can be happy and he and I can be friends/co-parents and he doesn't have to feel guilty for hurting me or not being enough for me.

I don't want to date anyone. He said he might want to. He said that was his litmus test to if he wanted to stay married or not. His mind started wondering to if he could/would cheat on me and when it did that scared him and made him think it was time to leave me. He is fairly emotionally immature and can't seem to figure out his feelings vs desires.

It's like he is intrigued by dating other people but he is nervous about doing it plus he says it wouldn't work out anyway and would just hurt me.

I felt bad for him. He seemed so confused about his life and his feelings. He was very sweet and hugged me a couple of times. He said he missed talking to me. He said many times over the last few months he has turned to talk to me as friends again and then just stopped himself.

He surprised me. He said he knows it's not my all my fault (the marriage breakdown) he took the blame where he should.

I stepped in and took the blame where I should. It was very nice to talk about that. He agreed that the marriage breakdown could have been handled sooner if he would have "been a man and spoke up."

I'm going to be loving and empathetic. I am going to be the type of woman no man would want to leave. I am going to work out, go out, love my kids, laugh, smile, and play. I am going to give him room while giving him distant love. Letting him know his friend is still here. That seems to be important to him right now.