So, what can NLW do? I would hate for you to feel like you are powerless... Yes, he is an a-hole, and a con-man, but you are a strong, strong woman, who has proven you can survive anything. So now, it's time to take control of this crazy ride and turn the tide around IN YOUR FAVOR.
Not easy, but not impossible. (and you have proven you are amazing!)
Yes, you are right. I have been doing things differently for a while now - the old GAL advice and looking for ways to do stuff with the kids that is low-cost. For example, we go to the movies on 'cheap night' regularly now. And there is so much to be learned - most of the stuff we've seen lately has been about people over-coming immense personal suffering (Rush, 12 Years a Slave, Dallas Buyers club, Saving Mr Banks, Philomena). All good for showing my kids that people can and do survive and thrive. And great talking points for emotions, too.
It makes us all so close. I'm modelling to them how to meet new people and the benefits of volunteering. And in my professional life, I'm reaping the benefits of taking time to really listen to others, and show interest in what they are doing. I used to be so focused on my family - XH and kids - that i didn't feel the need to reach out to others (told myself I had no time.)
[ you can screen your calls by letting them go to voice mail and just returning the calls that are from friends and relatives. That way you can screen out collectors, calls for your H and even his own calls, when he is crazy and impulsive and YOU can decide when it's appropriate for him to talk to your kids...
This seems like a good and simple solution!
With all the abuse he has inflicted on you and your kids, you have every right to determine how and when he communicates to you AND the kids. And he'd better not threaten you or try to accuse you of parental alienation... you know why? because you have more than enough proof of his abuse and no court will listen to that ridiculous claim, shall he try to threaten you or bully you that way...
Not totally convinced about this - and it is his constant refrain these days.. but interesting to hear your perspective.
I know finances are tough, but perhaps there's some type of aid or support groups you can qualify for? There might be some organizations that help with aid or counseling? IDK, but it's worth looking into it, right?
Yes, finances are tricky as well as tough - I actually earn a decent salary, so don't qualify for anything welfare related or reduced in terms of cost. Of course, more than all of my healthy salary goes in re-paying the debts XH left us with, so that is the kicker. But I will keep trying to see what sort of help I can get. At the moment, though, physical and dental health issues are my priority - before all our teeth fall out from neglect, for instance!
And at the first moment he starts abusing either of you, you guys hang up or leave the room. Period. There are calm and reasonable ways of doing so w/o escalating the situation. Specially dealing with an abusive husband requires certain actions and behaviors to protect your emotional health.
Lots of resources out there also on the web. Yes, thanks for this reminder. I will try to get onto changing this.
You can do this!!! And you are REALLY, REALLY worth it, don't you think?
