Yes, I feel like I come to a point in relationships where I am not sure how to continue. With my French guy friend, for example, I would like to reveal a safe personal detail, gauging the reaction, but am not sure what this secret could be. With (another!) French guy friend I took the plunge and told him about my M and he opened up and told me about his (similar to mine).
This^^ baffles me. You are a smart educated man, with nothing to be ashamed of. If you were a child molester just paroled, I'd say "keep that to yourself"...but you act as if revealing things re: your m are things another person would reject you for. That's not rational, imo.
Why on earth do you withhold your "secrets"? What is there to fear so much? Granted, and I mention this so I remind myself as well, I am an extrovert. My youngest d is an introvert and for HER, revealing things is terrifying. But she has enough teammates and a few close friends with whom she is FULLY honest. Since she's wondering about her sexual orientation, which sometimes felt "shameful", I can see why she'd hesitate. But she plunged ahead, and has close friends who accept her. Only a few rejected her, and she survived.
I don't know if you have anyone in your life with whom you are fully honest Luke, but you need to. Everyone needs to, or they'll be very lonely.
I'd like to identify a spectrum of safe to less safe to completely revealing secrets or intimate knowledge, and start revealing it, moving toward fellowship and deeper friendships.
YIkes...all I can say is that without disclosure, it's very hard to build intimacy. What are your terribly monstrous secrets?? Without revealing yourself, "who" is the other person getting to know?
I suppose with a whole lot of time spent together, yet saying very little, could still bond you with someone, but not nearly as quickly.
And I'm not sure mind reading builds a "real" bond b/c of all the guesswork & projection, that the withholding of information, causes.
Action: had lunch with an urban planner, who had worked in New England (where I am from), and then dinner with an MIT guy, an interesting person that I hope to see again.
Luke
Keep at this, Luke. Don't be stuck. Exercise choice.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
