Husband's porn addiction and my affaire

[wdoido]

"[quote]Men and women see porn and sex most differently.[/quote]

I tend to agree.


[i][b]

Is sex used as a CONTROL mechanism in your marriage?

[/b][/i]

NO, not at all. The irony is that sex has eluded my marriage because of the porn-related impotence which afflicts my husband. I can literally count on my finger tips, the number of times we were able to "successfully" have sex. So to answer your question, contrary to sex being used as a CONTROL mechanism, it is SEX which has become a victim of the damaging control/result of porn-related impotence.

Men do not get rejected by porn.

Agreed!

[i][b]

[i][b]Did you ever reject your husband?

[/b][/i][/i][/b]

I wish I can answer yes to this question, mostly because it would give me the satisfaction of the realization that my husband desired me. I never had the chance to reject him because he never initiated sex. Over time H also became aware of his impotence which probably led to the vicious cycle of avoidance of sex with wife and favoring porn-induced masturbation.

Did he ever reject you?

Yes, all thru our marriage he has rejected me, mostly via actions and less by words. This thread is a result of my feeling rejected and disrespected at the hands of my H

Do you feel attractive?

This is a very complex issue for me because there are so many contradictions which make me feel on top of the world one day, and down in the dumps the next. To give you a little honest background about me:

I am a physically fit woman with 23% body-fat, which is considered to be in the "FIT" range for a woman. I workout 5 days a week in a gym and train with weights to keep my muscle tone at an optimal level. I wear size 4 clothes which is considered very flattering for a woman. I take pride in dressing well and looking my best. I am a professional with an advanced degree (in a male-dominated field) and earn very close to what my husband makes. So, to cut to the chase, I have all the reasons to feel attractive. I think if any woman had the above attributes, she would feel attractive by default. Sadly, despite having all the outward manifestations of attractiveness, I feel low and dejected from within. I have been focusing on understanding why I feel this way, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that I have allowed my H to affect how I feel about myself. I blame my self for this.

It sounds like your husband was aware that you knew of his addiction and you are upset because he did nothing about YOUR feelings.
Is he responsible for YOUR feelings?

Yes, absolutely he is responsible for any actions of his which cause me to be hurt. That's what a marriage is suppose to be. You are suppose to uphold, cherish and warmly love your spouse. Of course this is a two-way street. In a marriage both the H and W are responsible to make sure that nothing they do damages their spouse. If either of them disregards the other, then the results cannot be taken for granted.