Ok, Ill add that to my list of things to do for myself
Something happened today and I could see old patterns, I have a roomate and she told me with only 9 days that she was leaving the apartment so I got under pressure to find a new roomate, last week a person came to check the apartment and she got upset I didnt let her know, I disnt tried to probe my point and accepted her idea.
So today I told her that 2 people are coming tomorrow to see the apartment....she explode and told me that she is working untill late and that I cant do that ( she was screaming) I told her calmly that this is my apartment and I am free to bring people to see the room... Then she started to tell me that I was a bad roomate that it was imposible to live with me...she told me that now it makes sense why my W left me...I told her to not go that path and that she is a lier, wow she got even more crazy.... But its true she lied several times... After I walk away and went outside I analized a few things, basically I was a great toomate, I kept the house clean at all times, even bought toilet paper and kitchen paper and she never cleaned not even once in a month that she is being here, she never took the trash and I never said anything....so basically I can see that I dont like to confront people and remember them about their responsabilities because of fear of her leaving the apartment and having financial issues... I guess thats one of my fears to not have enough. Besides that I also analized that when people give an opinion about me, I believe them more that I believe myself, all she said made me doubt if I was a good roomate and I think I was, when she came I had 3 cats and got ready of 2 of them because she tough it was too many... So again I pleased people instead of keeping my 3 cats... I informed here prior to come to the apartment that I had 3 cats and after she arrived she started to complain.... Even when I just had one she complained about this cat....
So I learned today that I have to learne self respect and increase my self steem because for some reason I believe more in the opinions of others about me that in my own opinion about myself...and I really cant see how I am that awful ?
So I need to reinforce that, and to avoid getting affected by what others say, it can't be possible that they are always right and I am always wrong...
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
