I know, I know - hard not to panic & worry i'll do something to set things back. I do know i'll be ok regardless, would still obviously like my marriage to survive though tho!
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
I know. We just all need to learn to value ourselves as the "cake" in our lives, and our spouses as the "frosting." I struggle with this one myself.
"You . . . complete me" may sound romantic when Tom Cruise says it in a movie, but it's NOT a healthy relationship attitude with which to go thru one's life!
I know. We just all need to learn to value ourselves as the "cake" in our lives, and our spouses as the "frosting." I struggle with this one myself.
"You . . . complete me" may sound romantic when Tom Cruise says it in a movie, but it's NOT a healthy relationship attitude with which to go thru one's life!
Starsky
No i've learnt that the hard way - thats why i'm working so hard right now on finding out who I am and what makes ME happy, I dont want to live for a relationship I want to live for myself and have a relationship compliment that...
Difficult to maintain though i'd imagine which why I want to be really aware of it - any tips?
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
If you figure it out, let ME know. I do find that the more I get involved in helping others, the more I get out of the inside of own head, and feeling sorry for myself and focusing on the things my wife DOESN'T provide for me (and she provides a lot).
I think it's that whole "purpose" thing in our lives. I know the book "The Power of Purpose" is excellent? Maybe I will re-read it.
Well I hadn't seen H for over a week or spoken on the phone (only email/text for business & kids) and so yesterday we had a business meeting at work - all went fine & we got on well. I've been feeling much stronger so decided to work hard on being strong, confident & happy as I'm going to see him a lot this weekend.
Last night my H stayed over at my house to take care of the kids whilst I was out with family/friends - when i arrived home it was a little awkward but we both relaxed & ended up sat talking about everything for over 2hrs!! He indicated several times that he's been considering trying again & we talked a lot about where we went wrong and how we've ended up here, it was good to properly talk and surprisingly found that we agreed on everything.
We talked about the issues we've been working on ourselves and how far we've both come, also how we plan on maintaining that in the future, what we would like from a relationship in the future etc. I have been reading the 5LL and explained some of the concepts in there (love tank, both speaking different languages etc) and he was very interested & asked me could I get him a copy. Afterwards I gave him a hug & said good night, I told him if he wanted cuddles he knew where I was but absolutely no pressure, a few mins later he came upstairs & we ML.
I intend to just keep the pressure off and continue working on myself, its so difficult not to get my hopes up but I know it's early days and I'm just pleased that the ice is melting & it feels like he's mellowing. He was so much more open to hearing my view and actually seemed interested, he's showing me respect now and considering my feelings/emotions instead of just his own - there's a long way to go but I'm happy with the direction things are going.
I'm unsure whether we should go back to NC again after this weekend, i think it's probably the best way at the moment as the past week with complete space has helped us both...
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Hi Up! It soundd like last night was a positive step for you. Just be careful not to get your hopes up. It is possible that H will recoil and backoff now. He might feel confused over what happened. If you see this happen just understand thst its normal. Also if your sitch keeps moving this way which I hope it does, be careful and move slowly. In my M we separate d years ago for a time and then R too quickly and it didn't work out in the end. Good luck. I ak smiling just reading this. Its nice to get such a positive experience in all of this darkness.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Yeh I'm aware that he will probably panic & be a bit confused - I'm just going to give him plenty of space & not mention it unless he does? Or am I best telling him I have no expectations so he doesn't panic or just leave him to it?
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
It's as easy as this...what you've been doing has been working, so you keep doing it.
I know it's easy to get your hopes up, but I wouldn't let it change the dynamics at this point. You had a nice talk, you had a nice evening....but really, nothing has changed....yet. Remember, it's not that words that are important....it's the actions. His journey is just as important as yours, and you aren't both going to be traveling at the same pace.
What is important to figure out at this point though, is what would it take from your H for you to give this another shot? What would he have to do? What boundaries would have to be kept? What would a new relationship look like in the beginning?
