I saw my MIL today. I used to see her every week (she watches D once/week), but now H relieves her after work and I don't come home until after he puts D to bed (in my home). But H is out of town, so I saw MIL today. She is divorced herself (H's father left H's mother when he was very young), so I know she can relate to my sich. BUT-- even though we were quite close, she completely avoids mentioning it at all. It is just business as usual-- talk about work (we are both in the same line of work), my D, etc. She has always been a confidante and source of support for me (I am not very close with my own Mother), and I miss my relationship with her terribly. She is not willing or able to give me any insight into her own experience dealing with divorce. It's so frustrating. When H left, she told me she loved me, was here for me. But she has pretty much cut me out. I found out my SFIL was having surgery from MY mom, who heard it from our nanny! 2 new babies have been born into their family-- she didn't bother to inform me of that, either.
But-- on the bright side-- I decide to DB her, too. At first, I couldn't see her or my SFIL without breaking down in tears. But, today, I kept it totally light and cool. Came home from work in a great mood, showed friendliness to her and lots of positive love and appreciation to my D. Asked about her family in a genuine way. ("Give them my love!") And then left it with "Not sure when I'll see you again, but take care!" No lingering goodbyes, no "I miss you", no questions about H.
Does she realize what a stupid fool her son is? Has she told him what a mistake he is making? What a great person he is giving up? I have no idea. I'll never know.
How do you deal with losing friends and family relationships? That's been one of the hardest parts for me. --Claire
