The way I feel is that what I think and feel as long its not happiness and positiveness basically doesn't matter, and when I am not in that state of feeling happy and positive basically I get rejected, I wish my W could it had wait for me to solve this and walk with me that path but she couldn't, and I am going to express my feelings now, I am scared of saying all this, of expressing how I feel because I think that even you guys will get tired of hear me and will leave me to deal with my own issues and honestly its not that I don't want to fix myself, its just that I don't know how, thats why I am here, I am completely lost all the time not knowing ever what decision to take because I feel always that it will be the wrong one and thats why I relay so much in everybody and not on me, because I don't believe myself, I believe every decision I take its directed towards destruction.
I see this from a lot of posters that are fresh from their bomb date.
So let's turn this around a bit....
You say below, that you are good at giving advice..
What would YOU say to someone that told you that ^^^ ??
Also, it is imperative to not place this blame on your spouse. That is up to you to solve those things.
And a lot of responsibility to place on another human..
Wouldn't you say ?
Originally Posted By: ye
I am always scared of saying how I feel, very few times my feelings were validated, and instead I will always suffer consequences, I sound like a victim and I do believe I am a victim of myself.
You are only a victim of yourself, if you keep thinking that you are a victim of yourself...
Your thoughts control your actions and words, and ultimately...behavioral problems...
You admit to talking and treating your wife poorly...
Why do you think that you treated her the way that she described ??
Was it that you wanted to gain some of that control back ??
That she was the only person in your life, that you had control over ???
Originally Posted By: ye
Here its a great example, I speak 7 languages and I cant be more than a waiter, besides of having experience in restaurants over the world for like 14 years.
I believe I am a hard worker, and punctual, and responsible, but I always depend of what the others think about me, so for example: yesterday I was working in the restaurant and serve cheese to a customer, a little bit of cheese felt on his pants (parmigiano with a machine bringed to the table) and he and his friend started to make fun of me....and at the end thats the way I feel always like a mess,
What can you focus on up there, that is positive ???
7 languages ??
That is quite a feat within itself there buddy...
Pretty amazing actually.
I want you to read something when you have time. It is called (and you can Google it) The Stockdale Paradox, and let me know what you think....
Originally Posted By: ye
I want a simple life were I can appreciate the things I have, were I don't get hurt anymore but that for me, its the most complicated thing to achieve, I can always be a waiter but I truly doubt that I can ever be anything else, I wish I can have a better life and my W leaving just showed me how much of a loss for myself I am....
Look above, and read from the past couple days...
With everything positive that you can find, you also find something negative to dis-qualify it...
Why do you feel that you do that ???
Originally Posted By: ye
This is so painful, its really awful just to be me, to live the way I live, just hurting others without realizing it. Sorry guys I needed to say all that.
I want you to understand something here....
BEING HERE....
Is the first step in your recovery and healing process...
And it is very telling, that you WANT for things to be different...
Sounds as if that is very unlike the old ye...yes ???
Admitting that you have these things....
Is a sign that you are open and willing to actually BE different....
Hang in there...
You have to hit bottom in order to know how far you need to climb upward...
