Hi there - I bought SSM (I do NOT know all the acronyms here) about 5-7 years ago, I guess that should tell me how long things have been brewing in our M. Haven't picked the book up in 5 years though.
My wife called me 2 weeks ago, while she and the kids were out of town on vac visiting her family, and told me "i think we should get divorced". A dagger, as you know. My response was - is this the best thing for the kids (I think no way, no how). She said she had already talked to a lawyer. I had advocated for counseling several times over the last 2 years, and she never had responded positively to this suggestion.
So, I had a week to myself before she and the kids returned. I cleaned the house, top to bottom, finished projects that needed it, inside the house and out. Also started going back to the gym, and made my plan of 6am to the gym everyday, and not sitting down in the house until 9pm. I will answer questions with yes, no, maybe, don't know only, will not initiate convo. This is before I got on this site and learned of 180s and b4 I hired a DB coach (Denise).
They got back on a Friday. Weekend was busy, I was friendly, but not overly so. I did not eat in front of anyone, and let it be known that I didn't have an apetite and wasn't sleeping much (again, b4 I knew of DB and 180s). I don't think it was the worst thing - one of her closest friends told me she has not felt loved, nor special, for years. I showed vulnerability and then Sunday night, I came to her and said "I don't want you to reply......I don't want this, I know I'm to blame, I know you're serious, I love you and want to make things better". Then I teared up and left the room.
So, the next morning 3/24 I got on the phone and hired said DB coach. I no sooner got off the phone from scheduling it then my MIL called me and told me my wife had scheduled a local counselor for later this week (yesterday). Great, good sign!
Later that day I had my phone sesssion with DB coach, it was good. Got some ideas, including 5 love languages book. I did ask my wife to take the profile (prob should not have) and she said no, let's just see what the counselor says. Fair. I took the profile test for her and tried to answer the way I thought she would.
Counseling session (local) was good, lots of good things. I like that he mentioned no one is blameless, and no fix is quick. I think she liked him and that's good. We have 2 more session scheduled.
So, do I continue to 180? Things are still frosty, of course. I think I need to show that I'm strong and willing to move on with my life, with or w/o her.
180 success - today I got back home from my AM workout, and she asked "what gym are you going to?", then "what do you do there?". That's 180 success, right? I just answered what was asked.
SCREW UP - later on I asked if we should have movie night tonight (Friday night, and the kids are crazy about the Frozen dvd we have) - of course the kids said "yes". She indicated "no" however, to which I replied "see, she doesn't care if I see if with you guys, cuz she's seen it multiple times with you guys". She replied, annoyed, "really?". I messed up, if only because I showed emotion/feelings. Damn. Seems as soon as I do something right (gym 180), I screw it up with my movie comment. I know people will try to rescue me with "it's alright, we all screw up, move on"....but the thing about my W is that she REMEMBERS and plays everything over in her head, holds grudges, and doesn't forgive easy. This is something our local counselor mentioned has to happen (forgiveness/acceptance), but it will be a real challenge for her. Any thoughts on how to recover from a 180 screw-up?
