On a whole other topic, W came and asked me for $40 cash this morning. I didn't say anything, I was brushing my teeth.
W has no access to cash, she puts everything on CC which I have always paid. For 13 years this wasn't a problem, or at least, she never mentioned it. If she ever asked for cash, I gave it to her.
I want to add that in a healthy M, all this money stuff should be done differently than we did it. It just sort of worked out that way when she stopped working and didn't seem to be an issue at the time. It makes her feel like a child to have to come and ask me for cash. Just one of the issues I was blind to, and that she didn't vocalize.
But after BD, she suddenly had interest in having a joint account. No way I'm establishing that now while there is a D looming. At one point, after several A confrontations, I told her that we could relook at all our financial arrangements once she committed to M and was willing to be honest with me. We'll have to do something anyway once she starts earning. Well that was the end of that topic. Clearly commitment and honesty are not forthcoming.
Anyway, I know she needs cash. She has a couple of CCs that she never told me about that she is trying to make minimum payments on. She also wants to go out with her girlfriends tonight and will need bar money.
She was in a rush and left house before I could answer. But she just texted to say I never answered.
It is so tempting to say "Go ask OM for cash." but fear not, I won't do that.
It's also tempting to say "hey, I said we could look at setting you up with access to accounts once you committed to M and started being honest", but she knows that, that's not where she is, and so I see no point in going down that path again.
There's no point in withholding $40 and turning it into a big deal. Soon enough she'll have her income and will never need to ask again. (and she's going to have to start dealing with that CC bill on her own.)
But the joint account thing is still big with her. She talks about it with her friends. Says I treat her like a child. I agree this comes off that way. Again, it's something I'd change in a heartbeat with a trustworthy W. I had offered once to set up a joint account that I put some money in. She said that missed the point. And of course, this is just a prime example of how I never loved her, and we must part...
I hate these things that could easily come off the table if the conditions were right, but will continue to be a festering sore spot as long as the conditions are wrong.
