I guess I was, and I guess I am arrogant, I always give my opinion in things.
Did you do those things ???
Yes, I didn't support her in her play, and I was jealous of loosing her for her acting career, I am jealous and insecure and I always need reassurance from everybody. And I always criticize myself, I always think that I am not good enough, and that I don't know how to change those things, and I don't know how to be responsible with money. I always put myself down every time I am not perfect, and I wasn't perfect, I had no idea who I am or whats my purpose in life, I had been so focus on my unhappiness that I couldn't show up for her show, I could not eat my jealousy and understand that it was part of her job to kiss other people. I am tired, tired of not doing nothing properly, that since always and for everybody I always choose the "wrong" thing to do, its my main exercise to fail, it looks from her words that its true, that all I do its being a perfect failure. And I don't know how to change that, I know that no matter how I try its seems I always fail, I could it asked her to work on the M and when I see that she told me all I care is about my papers... Its true, but I could not see the other way around.
I cant see that the proper thing to do was to ask her to work on the marriage. Now again its too late. I have the feeling that I am crazy and my physical brain doesn't work normal so thats why I cant do things differently, that other way of doing things just doesnt appear normal in my brain. After she tells me then it appears as normal, but before she tells me I cant see it as normal. I guess its just who I am, and when someone is like that crazy its better to serve to others instead of trying to form a family, I think that being such a mess its better for me to not get involve with people, because now I see that I am too stupid or to crazy to even handle the basic needs of a R.
I wish I could find a system to change, to not be who I am and be the way she asked me to be, years ago I was a physical abusser and now I dont abusse physically but for what she said I abusse emotionally and as I keep reading in internet and from some people in this forum, that will never change.... And I believe because I could not even see that I was treating her bad
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
