Take Two ...

[Train]

I feel I'm beating my head against a wall.

JUST after talking to H yesterday about needing him to plan one day to move instead of showing up here so often - because it's confusing and difficult to see him all the time - he brings the kids home last night and said: "I told S7 that I'd start picking him up for a couple hours one day a week to hang out, just him and me."

And I kind of lost my cool. I asked if he meant in addition to the two days a week he's already getting the kids. He said yes.

I said no way.

THIS is him trying to eat cake, right? He wants his A, *and* he wants his family. He walked out. He needs to know what he's done. He needs to feel what he's done. He doesn't get to keep one foot in my door and one foot in her you-know-what. (Sorry. That's a wayyyy twisted and unnecessary visual.) :P

The conversation got a little heated. H said, "We'll just let the courts decide." I said, "That's fine, if we can't come to an agreement. But I promise I'm being wayyyyy more accommodating than the courts will be." He said he doesn't feel comfortable having the kids sleep over at the place he's currently living; probably because there are no freaking beds. He said he needs to get his own place before he can get them every other weekend. So I said: "Fine. Then keep getting them one evening a week and every Sunday until you have your own place. But I'm not comfortable adding more days right now. You keep adding days at this rate, and you might as well just move back in!!" (Note: there's that danged sarcasm again.)

I feel guilty when I think of my S7. I know he needs time with his dad; they have always been the best of buds. But I didn't make this call. I didn't make the decision to step out on my family. And *I* need some peace around here. The only way I have found peace in the past month is after I have not seen H or heard from him for a few consecutive days.

I explained to H that we need to settle on a firm schedule with the kids and stick to it. That this was his choice and now he needs to go live his life and get out of ours until agreed-upon times with the kids.

I looked at him and said: "What do you WANT???" And he peeled out. He texted me about 15 minutes later, though: "I get what you're saying." I just responded: "Thank you for understanding."

Am I wrong here? Is it fair to place boundaries involving the kids? I don't want my children to suffer. I don't want to put them in the middle. That is the LAST thing I want to do; I only want the absolute best for them, which I believe is having their mother and father TOGETHER in ONE HOME. But that's not possible right now. And I know my H loves our kids more than anything in the entire world. But, in a fog, he chose OW over his kids, too.

He needs to live with that decision. And feel every. single. bit. of it.

Right?!?

Or am I wrong?