I've thought about asking H to come over more frequently and on a predictable basis, which I could use to request the kids show up and have a meal with him. So far I haven't done that because I have stepped back from the thankless role I had in our marriage of managing everyone's feelings and relationships. It wasn't healthy of me, and it masked the fact that H was emotionally withholding and withdrawn. So "it's not my job" has become my post-separation, post-counseling mantra.
If H can't figure out that attempting to see his kids with some advance notice and a tiny bit of care that they show up, that is who he is and we all need to get used to it. Right?
The kids seem to feel no pressure to drop their plans, at least in the current non-arrangement. I have all of their events, appointments, and activities on a shared calendar.
He asked if they could go to a hockey game in Pittsburgh in a few weeks, via text to them, and they didn't respond so he asked me about it. S16 had a tournament, that was on the calendar, that is mandatory so he can't go. S14 would rather pull his own fingernails out than attend a sporting event of any kind, so I asked him to reply to his dad, which he did via text, no thanks.
H is staying at the house for me so I can go on a girls weekend at the beach next weekend. He stayed here for a week in February during my business trip. Same for two nights in October. Things like that are the most parenting I think he's doing these days.
The paperwork and filing and stuff don't feel tough to me, I just don't want to sit and spend time on the financials. Emotionally it doesn't seem to bother me, but when I get started I build anxiety about it being too complicated and time-consuming, so I avoid it. I'd rather do just about anything else, and my to-do list is sky high. Maybe there are some feelings under all that, but I spent an hour on it with my IC and just couldn't feel anything but avoidance. I'm accepting that we're getting divorced, I'm enthusiastic about my present and future life, I LOVE having only positive influences in my life (no one is mean to me anymore), I'm confident that I can be poor successfully... but I just avoid this task. I dunno. It will feel SO GOOD to get it behind me.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
