Life's a Picnic

[bustingout]

Hi everybody! Thank you for all of your loving posts! I have been here daily reading along. I haven't had much to post regarding my own sitch. The remaining time that h was here was really good. We had a lot of fun actually. He spent a few nights in the guest room, much to the delight of the kids.

I did end up talking to h about staying at the house and about coming more often and he was agreeable. I am not going to bring it up again. I have said it and will let it go. Whatever h decides at the end of the day needs to come from him and I am sure he is doing a lot of thinking. He seems gloomy at times. I keep my communication with him very upbeat and friendly whether it's about the kids - and more recently we have been talking more about other stuff too.. He told me about some problems at work, etc.

Our communication is definitely improving. I am working hard to be very mindful and empathetic .. Sometimes I have to put my feelings ya on hold. Most of the time actually. However there is a slow subtle thawing.. I have taken a few conscious 'risks' and extended a few more invitations to him for when he comes back next time. They were met postively. I think he is trying in his own way as well. He tells me more things about who he is with or why he doesn't respond right aWay sometimes to texts ( without me asking or promoting).

I'm not saying it means we are moving towards each other and while I keep my expectations very low I am still learning to not be a slave to my emotions. I am still learning and growing.
I have let go of of much fear and hurt. It's been the hardest 4 years of my life and I finally feel like I am where I need to be. I am so grateful for this journey for what it has done for me and in turn my parenting, my relationships and my perspectives on life. I don't know what will happen with h- and I am sure there will be more hardships in the future, but I feel prepared to deal without fear. I am much more interested in today than tomorrow.

I love you all