my wife left, but still lives with me #3/continued

[tough spot]

Upon reflection of our discussion last night I am starting to change my opinion of the outcome. At first I was hopeful. Hopeful that we conversed at a much deeper and more honest level then we have in a long time and maybe the wall cracked a bit.

But I really think my wife despises me. I am blown away by this potential revelation. I think she really almost hates me on some level. Just little things she said, the way she said them. If this is true than I have been blind for a long time.

And if it is true, I have no idea how it developed. I mean, I understand where/what went wrong in the marriage, what I was responsible for etc, but this is something that has been growing these past months as we have discussed the option of divorce.

While I have been thinking she was just closed to the idea of a R, I think she has come to the point where the idea of that is abhorrent to her. This person is not my wife that I have known for 20 years.

Where this hate comes from I do not know. I have given her space, let her do her own thing, the rare R talk that she has initiated there hasn't even been a raised voice. I could see if we were constantly fighting or something but I have never been so civil in my life. Sigh..........