living with WAW who hasn't walked yet (2)

[sandi2]

Why do feel the loss of the bed might mean something to her? What do think it would mean?

I should have looked back on your posts, but are you and W having sex?

I believe the WAW in an A has to see something she has lost or is losing due to her behavior/choices. Just as you can't do a lot of other things, you probably won't be able to force .......or maybe not even know what "it" is she doesn't want to lose. You may have some idea, but i doubt she has been faced with "it" yet. The best thing you can do is live by your personal belief system, keeping your boundaries in tack, limit the cake eating (which is tough when living in same house with kids), and holding the line with her showing you respect while at home and in front of your children. I could suggest more "don'ts" than tell what to do. And this certainly isn't everything, but pretty general.

It is like making self improvements. If you are doing them to impress your W, it will be in vain. If you try to pick things that may be the "it" your W doesn't want to lose, or may shake her out of the A........there's a good chance you'll miss the mark. Everyone is different. But if you live out of the convictions of your heart, it will help you know what boundary lines to draw.

I think one of the worst things a man can do is act afraid of his W. Fear of her leaving him paralyzes the very male characteristics in him that she needs to witness. I suppose that is why I get a little riled when men think that DBing is rolling over playing dead. It is not becoming a door mat or being passive.

I also believe the H's "message" to the WAW should be consistent. As has already been stated, you waste your breath trying to talk to WAW who is in an A. The only way she hears what you are saying....is with her eyes watching what you do. Your attitudes and actions dictate the message loud and clear to her. No need to remind her of what she already knows........like how seriously you took wedding vows, etc. No need to give speeches packed with moral or spiritual messages. You can't verbally reason with her.

But before you do anything, think it over and do what you are doing now.......which is discussing it here. You see, only a few days ago you were talking about just waiting around a couple of yrs to see if the A fizzled out, and how you couldn't do anything about it. Today you are wanting to ask her to move out of the bedroom. So be careful about sudden choices......and don't shoot yourself in the foot.