Barrybran - Yet Another Thread

[Barrybran]

I understand why you would think that I'm looking to her to notice my changes. I just got what I was looking for without asking. My wife basically updated me on what she wants between us. I haven't felt comfortable talking to her lately because of her hostility and whilst I know I need to grow some balls and talk about what's important, even if she doesn't want to speak, I feel like I've been treading on egg shells around her.

She tells me she's setting boundaries, taking control of her own finances, that we'll split bills evenly, that she'll live her own life (I thought she was already doing that...), and that she's going to start staying in the house on weekends. She cited that she didn't feel comfortable doing so before. She said the boundaries are in place so we can cohabit effectively. She also said she had been to-ing and fro-ing about forgiving and forgetting.

This is going to sound strange but I feel relieved. I understand everyone's perception is that I want my wife back, and I do, but it's unrealistic at the moment and I don't expect that. What I do expect though is to know the rules of the game I'm playing by. If I'm doing too much housework, don't mope about it, tell me. If I'm not doing enough housework, don't complain about it, tell me. If you don't feel comfortable with me, let me know and I'll keep my distance. I feel better knowing where she stands. I can work with that.

Six months ago I would have pleaded and begged and alienated her further. I would have asked her to reconsider and suggested joint items. Now, I just want to know what rules I'm playing by so I can get on with my own life without pissing her off. What she thinks about what I do is her problem but if I know something annoys her, I can consider her feelings before I do it. If I do it anyway, it's because I want to do it. That's all I was looking for.

And yes, I'm guilty of trying to make sense of WAS, not LBS, crazy.