I would simply tell her it disrespectful to you to express those things to your daughter. You aren't disputing your W's feelings or the fact your D knows what's going on. It is inappropriate for a grown woman to say those type of things to a little girl about her father.
I am not the best at wording things, but I'd say something like, "You are free to feel however you choose about me, but in the future don't make disrespectful remarks about me to our children.......and I will show you the same consideration.".
If she has any sense at all, she will know you could do some damage if you chose. If she is silly enough to ask what that's suppose to mean, then tell her....."i believe if you'll think about you can figure it out". Then walk away. Don't engage any further.
Some may see this as a threat, or pressure. Well so be it. What else can you do to make her stop bad mouthing you to the kids? I am sure she doesn't want to them to know the real reason for her wanting a D.
While i'm thinking a out this.........When the time comes to tell the kids, make sure you are present and that she is the one to tell them. Do not let her say anything about how "she and their daddy has decided".......b/c you don't want the D and they should know it is their mother who is splitting up the family. So whenever the time comes to talk to them, be sure you tell her that if she doesn't tell them the truth that you will call her out right there in front of them and tell them about her A and etc.
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On the other issue I thought I was wrong in the cake incident because I really didn't want to do it ..but was me wanting to control her from going out with her friends i dont like.
Well I guess I missed that part. The way I read it, she was accusing you of manipulating her. Now you are saying you agree?
I don't think it is wrong for a man to want his W to choose to stay home and prepare a birthday cake for their son. He has one birthday a year. She can go out with her GF some other time. It is not right if you were trying to guilt her or some other form of manipulation. There is a difference in these. You were right to point out that her priorities are out of order.
Do you really think she is spending time with these women as much as she claims? It seems like a handy excuse to me. I can see a WAW meeting OM instead of baking a cake for her child. Which you can't control that, but don't be gullible to her lies. Protect yourself emotionally.
You have taken her cr@p until you are accepting all the blame here. At some point you must see that she is responsible for the A and choosing her current lifestyle over family & M. I think she controls you so much that she has no problem convincing you that you are being unfair to her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
