Despite circumstances, my boundary-drawing isn't drawing him closer to me. Duly noted. But it could just be too early.
Drawing boundaries do two or three things very well. "Drawing our spouses closer to us" wouldn't be one of them, and in fact -- at least in the short term -- I've seen MANY much-needed, very-healthy boundaries actually temporarily push the wayward spouse further AWAY.
One of the misconceptions about DBing, in my opinion, is the "Do what works" thing. The problem is that people mis-define "works" as being "what doesn't make her/him angry" and "what makes her/him act nice towards me." Instead of as "what moves me further along down the path toward a mutually-healthy and committed marriage."
Sometimes one has to take a short-term "hit" in the "nice" department in order to solidify a healthier, longer-term gain.
