H moving out tomorrow

[TL72*]

Hey GB,
I really thought I was doing well until I went to divorce group last night. It took a lot for me to go, i had to talk myself into it. I'm an introvert, groups are not my thing. I was fine until we had to introduce ourselves and say our story a bit and I started to cry. I was so embarrassed. Then another guy cried so I didn't feel so bad. There's only 4 of us and the counselor. It's more of a workshop on rebuilding after divorce. 2 of them were further along than me, 1 man was more in my sitch, his wife initiated and his isn't final yet either. Mine is final next Friday. Then later I was asked something about these feelings we were discussing and I ended up rambling off about my H being in mid life crisis which I could tell they probably thought I was just in denial. I just sort of started talking and had to tell myself to shut up, I was so embarrassed after because I could barely talk without tears. I haven't cried about it in a month. Now I am thinking about it constantly all over again, like I scratched off what little scab I had managed. We meet every Wednesday for 5 more weeks and I have a book and a workbook. Hopefully by the end I will at least know more what I need to do for myself. It's hard when others don't understand MLC. It's hard to explain that you're sort of holding hope and not sound like an idiot. Next week I will try and control my emotions better and not spout off about his craziness. I did ask the counselor about individual counseling, she happens to be on the list I was given by my primary care doctor so I think i'm ready to tackle that now too. That's another place where I fear to go but facing my fears is a good thing. I felt good about going to this meeting just because I did it and didn't wuss out. I was feeling angry that I even had to go. they say it will take 3-5 years just to heal from a divorce, and that's not taking into consideration the MLC. ugh.