I'm entitled to half the number of years we were married, which would be about 10 years, and the amount I'm entitled to is...zero dollars. It's a calculation based on income. It doesn't seem fair to me but I could try to negotiate something with him, knowing that he wouldn't have to agree and if it went to court the judge would more likely side with him. This is based on what both lawyers have seen agreed to by judges in my county. My H says that he subsidized me during our marriage, so I don't believe he feels he owes me any favors.
My H also believes that child support is the beginning and end of his requirement to the kids. It should cover his portion of lacrosse equipment and summer camp and anything I think the kids need. So when he buys a kid a sweatshirt or pays a doctor bill, he is going above and beyond, in his book.
Virginia is a no-fault state, so it wouldn't make any difference if he were blatantly having an affair and abandoned his family, but he did not do that. He said we had irreconcilable differences, he stuck around for 18 months, and he moved out when I asked him to. He's been gone more than a year so there are adequate grounds for divorce now.
He believes I'm willfully underemployed and have been for the 15 years I've been working part time.
I don't think these are inadequate lawyers I'm talking to, although if someone wants to give me a referral I'll talk to another.
I think our sitch is pretty cut and dried and should not go to court. My neighbor had to go to court for her divorce and had to borrow $20K from her mom, and is now in debt. I don't want to go into debt.
I'm going to a $250 initial consultation with the new lawyer next week. Since she gave me a lot of info on the phone already I want to tighten up my objectives to get the most out of the hour I have to pay for.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
H's plan is to co-own for 5 more years and then sell and split 50/50. Odds are good the value will be somewhat higher then since metro should be running here by then.
I could buy it from him now, and that would be advantageous because the increased value would be all mine, if it materializes. I have a letter prequalifying me to buy it now. I believe H would rather keep his money in the house right now so I think he would object to cashing his part out. My worry about him saying no has prevented me from asking about it for a long time (just being honest, trying to start facing my fears one at a time).
The new lawyer's thinking was that these choices are basically equivalent but with my cash flow problems short term I may be better off co-owning it with him for five years.
My gut reaction two years ago when he proposed it was that I did not want to co-own my home with my x, that I wanted a clean break. But in the past two years, it has really not been an issue, that was more of an emotional response than a financial one.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
H's plan is to co-own for 5 more years and then sell and split 50/50. Odds are good the value will be somewhat higher then since metro should be running here by then.
I could buy it from him now, and that would be advantageous because the increased value would be all mine, if it materializes. I have a letter prequalifying me to buy it now. I believe H would rather keep his money in the house right now so I think he would object to cashing his part out. My worry about him saying no has prevented me from asking about it for a long time (just being honest, trying to start facing my fears one at a time).
The new lawyer's thinking was that these choices are basically equivalent but with my cash flow problems short term I may be better off co-owning it with him for five years.
My gut reaction two years ago when he proposed it was that I did not want to co-own my home with my x, that I wanted a clean break. But in the past two years, it has really not been an issue, that was more of an emotional response than a financial one.
AD,
Yes, NOVA real estate has done very, very well these past two years and I agree with you that the Silver Line is going to make a very positive impact on real estate out your way. I co-own property with my ex-wife, but it isn't my primary home here in Virginia, instead it is a house in Florida that we are currently underwater on. So we both are tied to it until we can at least break even and sell it. In our Virginia divorce we explicitly spelled it out that we were both equally liable for the mortgage and any and all repair costs that the property requires. Fortunately my ex and I have a very positive post-divorce relationship and there have been no disagreements regarding the management of the property.
To save costs on our divorce, we worked out all of our issues together and wrote up a property settlement agreement. I took it to a lawyer and they drafted up the divorce paperwork which included an order to split her military retirement pay based on agreed upon terms between the two of us. Total cost for our divorce was only about $1000.00. If you decide you are unhappy with your divorce lawyer I would be happy to provide you the name of the firm that I used.
Find me on FB as Ad Vina . I'm not unhappy with my lawyer but I don't think I did enough due diligence before settling on one. Would appreciate the referral.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Find me on FB as Ad Vina . I'm not unhappy with my lawyer but I don't think I did enough due diligence before settling on one. Would appreciate the referral.
I didn't get any messages. I'm not the beautiful foreign pop star, in case that's the one you messaged, lol!
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
LOL! I think I got the right one, but it says the message will go to your "other" folders. Your page doesn't allow me to send you a Friend Request - the link to that doesn't show up. Your cover photo looks like it was taken from inside a tent. You also added a picture on your timeline on February 7th that has a caption stating "Made it". Am I on the right page?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Still here, not much new. I'm putting some time into my financial situation, active on the job search but awaiting that first interview still, taking care of the boys, and working on my musical ambitions. Same old same old. Just thought I'd let my friends here know I'm still here.
Saw my H for a second yesterday. He texted that he was coming but without any notice so I had plans and S16 had plans. He went in S14's room and took a nap and snored, per S14's report. Left us dinner and took off. He gets his work mail addressed to my house, which is a source of irritation to me. I've asked him a few times to update his records. It causes me some pain that without asking or considering how I feel about it, he is using the home he left in 2012 as his address of record and using me as his mail handler, and I've asked him not to and he hasn't changed it. It's a small annoyance, one I don't feel like making a bigger deal than the occasional reminder when something official like this Fed Ex from his employer arrives.
It's a little thing, and I have bigger things to put my mind on. Keep your fingers crossed that I get some good interviews!
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Sending you positive vibes for your interviews and landing THE job!
As for being H's mail handler, how about telling H that, going forward, you will put his mail in a bundle and leaving outside for him to pick up. No matter the weather. What's with the house situation anyway? It looks like H is coming and going as he pleases.
What's up with your M? Not sure if you're getting a D or just standing at a standstill.
