Don't know if im on the edge anymore or not....

[dingo]

Thanks for the responses guys. I do feel at peace. I'm sad and still struggling with trying to understand the chain of events that led us to this point. I suppose that's a futile effort.

I don't regret spending the last year standing for the marriage and trying to be patient with her while she struggled with things but I do feel like I knew this would be the outcome all along and I was just sticking my finger in the hole to try to stop the flood.

I feel like my instincts were almost always right - when I felt that she was going through the motions, she was. That's not to say that she didn't think she was trying, I am sure she did think that and to this day, still says she did everything she could. I just think in her mind, she never really wanted to work on it - at least enough to do the hard work that was necessary for results. I guess the analogy would be - if you want to lose weight but aren't willing to exercise and eat better, and maintain these habits long enough to have them start to work, do you really want to lose weight?

I don't know how much of this is OM driven or not. Its easy to say things could have been different if she was able to get him out of the picture. I think it all ties into the 'want' aspect though - if she really wanted to work on things, she would have been able to do that. To use another analogy - its a chicken or the egg kind of thing - was she not able to get over him because she didnt really want to work on the marriage, or did she not want to work on the marriage because she had another choice. Irrelevant I guess but just musing a bit.